when all you wanted was to be wanted.

One of my closest friends now has a boyfriend.  He's not her first, but this time around, it's a little different.  And don't get me wrong -- I'm happy for her... kind of. 

See, this guy is two years older than us, which really isn't a problem if he's a good Christian guy and his main focus is God.  Now, he says he's a Christian, but in my opinion, he doesn't live it.  He cusses for one thing, and for another, he doesn't seem to be interested in long-term commitments, if you know what I mean.

I don't want to hurt her feelings -- but I want her to know that I don't feel like God wants her to be in this relationship.  But then she'll snap back with the whole jealousy thing, and I really don't want to go there.  Because I'm not jealous.  Sure, he's an upperclassman and well, he's an upperclassman, but I don't think it's a good idea.

Picture this: a Nicholas Sparks guy rides in on a white horse (or better yet, in an old Ford pickup :) ), takes you by the hand, and tells you you're everything he's ever wanted.  You spend hours upon hours on the phone, you walk down by the river holding hands, and listen to [insert your favorite band here], which you both happen to love. He eventually proposes, kisses you in the pouring rain, and you have kids three years later.  And don't forget the golden retriever on the front porch.  Ain't love grand ;))

Now imagine this: a cute guy asks you out on a date and he acts like Will from The Last Song.  He tells you you're amazing and that he'll be the prince if you'll be the princess, that it's a love story baby just say yes.  Sorry, Taylor Swift moment.  Anyway, so you give him your first kiss (and quite a few more after that) and you just know you'll be together forever.  I mean, he loves you, right?  Six months later he gives you the whole 'it's not you, it's me' speech and you end up bawling your eyes out for days and eat 10 packs of peanut M&M's.  Not a pretty picture...

If I asked you to pick which scenario you'd prefer, the first one would win by a long shot.  As teenage girls, we long to be wanted; our hearts yearn for acceptance, attention, and love.  But guys, well, a lot of them only have one thing on their mind.  Not all of them -- that's for sure.  But 95% or so.

Well, I'm really afraid that my friend's relationship is going to turn out like choice B.  I mean, she's human.  We're human.  We want to be wanted.  But if you wait for the right kind of want (did ya catch that? ;) ), your life might play out more like #1.  Not as perfect, but a lot closer to it than the heartbreak sob story.

But right now, she can't see that...

"'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you,
You're gonna believe them.
And when you're fifteen, don't forget to look before you fall
I've found time can heal most anything
And you just might find who you're supposed to be.
I didn't know who I was supposed to be...
At fifteen."

just so you know...

I haven't forgotten you all or ditched you or anything equally and horribly awful.  No, my stupid computer decided to break down (2 days before summer break, too!) and it turns out we're going to have to buy a whole new computer. *fist/screen*  I'm actually on Shan's computer right now just to leave you this nice little note.  So yeah.  I love ya'll and I hope you have the time of your life this summer :)

Oh.  And I only have one day of school left.  I'LL BE FREEEEEEEE!  I'll have time to read, get (somewhat of) a tan, and just get some good 'ol R&R.  And plan out every last detail of my (dream) California vacation.

"The sun is calling me to the west, everyone's having fun out there..."

*Ahem* I shall be going now.

Signed with a wistful sigh and Hawk Nelson lyrics,
anna :)

"they dissect everything we say."

Yet another Hawk Nelson lyric.  Haha, I'm a band skipper I 'spose.  I'll really, really like one band, but after I know every single lyric to all of their songs, I'll move onto another one.  Horrible, I know, but it's true :)

As Christians, it's almost as if everyone is continually examining our every move.  We can't do anything wrong without it going unnoticed.  You slip up and say a cuss word and everyone goes ballistic.  You put down someone and you're automatically a hypocrite that doesn't love anyone and hates the world. Lame, I know.  But it happens.  A lot.

Maybe I see it more 'cause I'm in public school.  I don't know.  I just feel like I have to be perfect all day everyday.  And you all know that's impossible.  So how do we take this constant criticism without blowing up and ruining our reps (not to mention our witnesses)?

Well, I found some verses that pretty much spilled it out for me.  God wants us to take it.  He wants us to love on them, even if they're everything but loving to us.  Hard? Yes.  Doable? Yes...with His help.

1 Peter 2:23 (this one was my favorite) - When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats.  Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.

James 1:2-4 - Consider pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

1 Corinthians 13:6-7 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, and always perseveres.

So, on an ending note...

"You can take the one thing I have left, I'd give it all away for so much less.  Can even take the heart inside my chest, whoa, whoa.  You can take the one thing I have left, beat me to the ground and take my breath.  But you can't take who I am, whoa, whoa..."

apparently i'm versatile.

*Note: I posted this yesterday, but for some reason during the 'blogger unavailable' thing, it unpublished it and put it in my drafts. *shrugs*

Haha, I looked up 'versatile' ('cause I had no earthly idea what it meant) and it is defined as 'changeable, inconsistent.'  Yeah, well, that's me.  I'm always rearranging things and longing for something new.

Anyway, I was given 'The Versatile Blogger' award by Mary way back when, and I'm just now getting to it.  So.  Here we go :)

-Thank the person that gave you the award.

-Tell seven things about yourself

-Award other bloggers whose blogs inspire you

-Contact the other bloggers and let them know they have received the award!

Well, thank you Mary for honoring me with this award *wink wink* But really, I feel loved :)

Seven things about me.  Alrighty then.

1. Hillary Duff movies are my favorite.  The Perfect Man is my favorite movie everrrrr.  But Raise Your Voice is trailing at a close second, then The Lizzie McGuire Movie.  Call me crazy, but that movie deserves an Oscar.  Not to mention Gordo's a cutie :)

2. My favorite type of flowers are lilies -- white lilies, if you want to get technical ;)

3. Cute guys in old baseball caps = happy Anna.  If they actually play baseball, well, that's even better.  And if they're good at it, that's better than better.  That's sah-weet!

4. U.S. History is my favorite subject this year, seeing as Coach Garrett actually makes it interesting.  We've watched parts of episodes from the mini-series, Band of Brothers, and it's really given me a new perspective on WWII, and history all across the board for that matter.

5. I love rain.  I don't love what it does to my hair. *poof*

5 1/2. BLEAH LOVES ME! hehe... hey Anna, it's Bleah. I've hacked you. Muahuahuahuahuahuahua.

6. I'm sorta kinda really obsessed with the song "We're Alright" by Hawk Nelson.  And I don't even have a reason behind the obsession :P

7. Ritz crackers are the best thing that's hit this planet since microwave ovens.  Oreos, too.  And friends that eat them with you while talking on the phone. *cough, cough* Bleah.

And I award...

Jenn - her blog is totally versatile. check ittttt.

Mahina - she went From Aloha to Arizona.  If that's not versatile, I don't know what is.

Emii - this girl is all about changing and growing with us Girlz 4 God. Versatile for sure.

Ky - just 'cause he likes tags. 'Spose he's versatile enough :) Visit him here.

Bleah - she's always ready for something new.  And here's something new for you, too.

hello: a post about guys.

"Every time I want to say hello, every time I want to stay, I go..."

This lyric is completely and wonderfully ingenious.  Just thought I should say that before I jump headfirst into this post.  Okay.  Now I can jump in ;)

I've written a few posts about guys, but none of them have really told you about my guy experiences (not that I've had all that many, haha).  But anyway, you're gonna hear a little more of Anna's mind than usual.

I'm not even going to try and act like I haven't had crushes, 'cause I have.  I've probably had at least 10 in my 15 years, not counting Jason Dunn, Matthew Thiessen, and all of those other amazingly blunt and witty artists out there.  And then of course there's Peter Pevensie, but, ya'll already knew that was coming...

The point is I like guys.  Whoa.  Did I just say that on a Christian blog?  Why, yes I did.  Because it's the truth.  A lot of Christian girls I know try to act like they've never had butterflies in their stomach or gotten all red when a certain guy comes around.  They're all 'I'm waiting for the right guy to come along and not looking at anyone else until he does'.

Well, for some of you that might be the case, but not for me.  Now I'm not telling you to not wait and to go have sex with some guy you think you're in love with.  Because you should wait.  I'm just saying that it's alright to like guys.  Thinking they're cute and cool to hang out with is fine...it's supposed to be that way.  But there is a difference bewteen liking and lusting.

Lusting is definined as a passionate or overwhelming desire or craving, or in my mind, more passion for a person than for God.  If a guy consumes your thoughts 24/7, if he's the name on your notebooks, your shooting star, well, to me, that's lusting.  He's become more important than your Savior.  And nothing should be more important than Him. (I believe He adressed that in the 10 Commandments).

I realized that I was lusting over a guy the other day, and I want it to stop.  There's a difference between daydreaming and thinking about constantly.  I noticed that all I think about is trying to impress him, hoping he'll talk to me.  And that's not the way it should be.  I'm supposed to love God with all my heart, mind, soul, and strenth (Matthew 22:37). Not some sophmore soccer jock.

So - there's my take on the whole thing.  And I know someone is going to ask this, so I might as well go ahead and answer.  Do you have I crush right now?  I do actually.  And I wish I had the guts to say hello.  Hence the song.  Hence the 'I like guys'.  Hence this post in general...

awkward / awesome friday.

Yes, normally it's 'awkward/awesome Thursday', but I kind of skipped it.  So I made it awkward/awesome Friday :))

awkward

- having a guy tell you that you don't have to try to look good

- getting your first tardy because you were in the bathroom when the bell rang

- realizing you're one of the only bloggers that isn't into photography

- singing out loud in class and not knowing you're doing it because your earbuds are in

- sitting in gum in your favorite cargo pants and everyone laughing at you

awesome

- listening to Hawk Nelson and Hawk Nelson only for three days straight

- seeing a cute guy with a Relient K shirt on and completely freaking out

- lyric battles with Bleah and Micah over the phone

- wearing a super cute, vintage-y dress with a grandma sweater to school

- laughing until you cry with your best friend in gym class

- watching Ella Enchanted and protesting, "Char's too cute to die!"

- God.  He's the essence of awesome.

california.

I've always wanted to visit California.  Ever since I discovered "California" by Hawk Nelson, anyway. The sunshine, the surfers, Hollywood...I don't know.  Something about it has just made me wonder.

But now, I'm rather...turned off to California.  It took my best friend away.  Well, not really.  But it sort of feels that way.  See, Scott's dad had to move because of his job -- to California.  And (obviously) his family got drug along with him.  Which included Scott.

Scott and I go back to the seventh grade (sixth grade summer if you want to get technical), when he first moved here from New York.  I'm not really sure how exactly us becoming friends came about, but...it did.  He decided to call me 'seventh grader', not Anna -- I suppose that's how it all started.

Over the years, we went through a lot together.  Scott had my back and I had his.  Just worked that way.

But then, the horrible news came one day in geometry.  He was moving.  To California.

I didn't cry surprisingly -- I think I was in shock.  Someone who I had poured my secrets -- my heart into -- was leaving.  2, 000 some odd miles away.

We had a going away party for him, and I kept telling myself I wouldn't cry.  I guess I thought that if I told myself that I wouldn't.  But I did.  Losing a best friend is hard -- knowing that I wouldn't see him geometry, at prayer group.  I guess that's why I cried.

I still remember the day he left.  He gave me in hug, and walked out of the geometry room, and never looked back.

California's treating him awful now.  He says the kids and teachers cuss, and most everyone is hostile.  And all I can do is pray, and try to encourage him with mere words.  It's hard to stand by and watch your best friend suffer.  I think it's harder than experiencing it yourself, knowing they're hurting and you can't do anything to stop it.

So.  After all that, I can get to the main point.  I'd really like ya'll to pray for Scott.  It would mean the world to me...and to him (if he knew -- which he doesn't -- so ssh! ;) )

truth is...

1. I need to get some things off my chest.  So yeah.

2. I put the 'pro' in procrastinating.  I put off my homework until the very last possible minute, then rush to get it done.  I really need to stop that.  Like, now.

3. I had it out with one of my best friends over the stupidest thing ever.  I was having a bad day and I pretty much bit her head off for no reason.  And when I tried to apologize, I just made everything worse.  *head/desk* (about ten times over).

4. 'Exercise' has not in my vocabulary as of late.  At all.  Hence why I've gained about 5 pounds.  Arghhh.

5. Hawk Nelson is slowly but surely becoming my favorite band.  I still love Stellar Kart, but Hawk Nelson 'gets' me right now.  So they're on repeat all the time which makes them my favorite band.  Plus Jason Dunn's voice kind of makes me melt. Just sayin'.

6. The word 'awesome' has been dominating my vocabulary.  And I hate it because it's overly cliche and teenager-y.  I like to be more than typical, out of the ordinary.  Not normal.  Grr.

7. Turquoise nail polish is the bomb.  Everyone knows it.  End of story.

8. I seriously want to start dressing like a hippie.  Braids and flowers and flip flops and headbands.  It may sound weird and I might get perturbed looks, but that's how I want to dress.  Plus, it'd help me see through the fakes.

9. I'm really stuck on this guy that thinks I'm a freak/loser.  *head/desk*

10. That's pretty much it.  And till next time, I'll leave you with this lyric, 'cause I kind of love it.

I'm still waiting for you to be the one I'm waiting for.