postacards, poems, and pondering (about guys).

I have returned my dear bloggers!  To talk about... stuff.  I like stuff.  Do you like stuff? ;)

Seriously, though, I've missed ya'll a lot and I apologize for just now getting around to posting, but my summer has been (surprisingly!) jam-packed.  I've hung out with my youth group (my oh-so-crazy-yet-wonderful youth group) a lot, had volleyball practices everyday since the end of June, and sleepovers with Shan of course.  Okay, I'm rambling.  I'll continue with my actual post.

First off, I have an announcement.  I got a postcard -- FROM PARIS, FRANCE!  I was so excited I did a happy dance for 5 minutes after I looked it down for the 18th time.  My friend and pen pal, Katie, sent it to me -- yeah, she actually went to Paris.  Amazing?  Yes.  Jealous?  Maybeokayyes.

As for the 'poems' part of the title, I wrote a poem last night, that comes from somewhere deep within me that only God can see all of.  It's called The Key to My Heart.

In my hand I hold a key
And with it lies my destiny.
Not for sale or up for grabs,
It's a gift, not yet unwrapped.
It will be given only when
I find a love that never ends.
The kind of love that feels my pain,
The kind of love that has no shame.
A love that's real and pure and true.
A love that means the words, "I do".
A love that lasts and flys so free,
A love that's meant for only me.
A love reflected in his eyes.
No just for me, but for Christ.
My love I know will never part;
He'll hold the key --
The key to my heart.

Now to the pondering.  Guys are the subject I will never ace.  The confusion will never end.  So why do we keep pining after these clueless knuckleheads?  Well for me it has to do with:
1. His eyes.
2. That grin.
3. His Lecrae obsession.
4. He loves God and means it.
5. He actually knows of my existence.
I want him to notice me, but I don't want to -- come onto him, ya know?  I'm too shy to start a conversation, but not loud enough for him to look my way.  'Spose I'll just sit here and wait.  I'm getting good at this whole waiting thing...maybe too good :P

"He sits there all alone.  He's reading from a chapter that he sometimes calls his own.  And now, he's takin' over me.  This guy I once rejected, has now become the guy of my dreams..."  --Hawk Nelson

house cleaning details...or should i say blog cleaning...? ;)

There's just a few things that I need ya'll to know that I haven't told you.  And if I don't tell you, you might take it the wrong way and think that I'm a rude, stuck-up, awful person.  But I'm not!  It's just that I never thought my blog would grow in numbers like it did, and I never imagined I'd have 11 comments on one post!  It's crazy insane for me -- a good kind of crazy insane :)

So, now that I explained that, I can continue.  Not to be braggy, (Can't stand bragginess...is that word?  Well, I made it one) I get awarded a lot and I can't keep up with all of the people who award me and what award goes with what blog, etc, etc.  I feel honored that you think my blog is terrifical (just watched Ramona and Beezus), but I have decided to ban awards.  I want my blog to be a place where I can write my heart out; a place where competition doesn't exist.

I do enjoy a good tag every now again, but if I don't choose yours, please don't feel bad!  It's nothing personal -- I just pick the ones I think are cool.

Then there's always the question -- will you follow my blog?  Well...maybe.  If I find your posts captivating and more importantly, Christ-focused, I'll definitely consider it.  To be honest, I only have about ten blogs I keep a close eye on, but my following limit is 50 blogs.  So if I don't follow you or unfollow you, it's not you, it's me.  That sounded like a cheesy break up scene, haha.

And I think that's about it.  Scratch that.  It's not.

I completely re-did my 'yours truly' section, so if you wanna take a read, I'd feel loved.  And I added a tab about a book (if you can call it that yet) that I'm working on.  It's titleless and I'm having a hard time getting all my ideas down on paper, but I guess you could say 'it's getting there'.

And if you need a new song to crank up, here's what's coming through my headphones right now:

Okay, I seriously think that's it now ;)

love forever,
anna :)

identity crisises & stuff like that.

No matter how hard to be something or someone we're not, we will never fully be them.  We can look like them, act like them, wish we were them (whoever them may be), but really, we're still us.

I've struggled with being myself since the beginning of freshman year.  Not only at school, but on Blogger as well.  I've wished I was prettier, smarter, outgoing, more liked, fashionable, a better writer...the list could go on forever.  I just kept finding faults in every detail of myself.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I haven't been completely honest with ya'll about who I really I am.  I mean, all the messy details with my life.  I play up all the good stuff and hardly ever reflect on the crappy.  Occasionally I'll give you a piece of my heart, but it's never bad.

Truth is, if you knew me in person, my profile would sound a lot more like this:

I'm Anna, the insecure sophomore that's trying hard to go unnoticed as she walks down high school halls. I wish I could dance and eat 'like a lady', but no matter how hard I try, I still epically fail at both.  I argue with my parents frequently and have to ask God to forgive me a lot.  My heart beats really fast every time this junior soccer jock with amazing blonde hair comes around, even though he'll probably never see me in that light.  I don't sit in coffee shops and read like some bloggers or travel or anything super amazing.  I go to school, play volleyball, then come home.  Sometimes I do stuff with my youth group or have a sleepover with my best friend, but other than that, my social life is nonexistent.  I love blue eyes and rain and Oreos, and the only reason I tell you that is because really, you're the only ones that care.

^ Yeah.  That's if you knew me in real life.  But since you don't, I sound a bit more like this:

I would say I'm a typical teenager, because I am.  But at the same time, I'm far more than that.  I'm a child of God, a writer, a blogger, a volleyball player, a lover of converse, an avid Hawk Nelson fan (though my favorite band changes every so often), and a klutz whose name means 'one of grace'.  I'm Anna.

A lot cooler, right?  Well, the first paragraph was the real me.  No more identity crises, okay?  'Cause I know who I am now.  I'm Anna -- the one God made to be her.  Not the fashionista -- the one who wears rainboots with shorts.  Not the dancer -- the singer.  Not the popular one -- the one that reaches out.  Not someone who hides in the crowd -- the one that's meant to stand out.  That's who I am in Christ.