Hm. Not sure how to say this. It's kind of weird even typing it. But I'll no longer be posting here on Sisters in the Savior. I'm not deleting it -- I could never do that. It'll still be here if you wanna visit. Ya know, for old times sake or... something.
This blog is so dear to me. I can't begin to describe how much it means to me. It's allowed me to be myself when I didn't know who I was. God knew I needed an outlet, and this... this was it. God brought me close friends -- true friends -- that I'd asked Him to send me for so many years. I'm so grateful for everything He's given me through this blog. Everything He's taught me. It will always be a piece of me, but me... isn't me anymore.
I have been revived. I'm not trying to sound spiritual or holier-than-thou. But God has awakened me from my sleep. He's shown me my need for grace and that doing this by myself just isn't going to cut it. He convicted me and told me I know nothing of holy... but I want to. I want to crave His word like I crave pepperoni pizza from Little Caesar's. I want pray like I breathe -- incessantly. I want to hang out with Jesus like He's sitting right next to me.. 'cause He is.
So. Starting on this new journey, I'm starting a new blog. It's called "fanatical," inspired by the Lecrae song.
"I'm a F-A-N-A-T-I-C, fanatic! I'll rep Christ till I D-I-E, fanatic! I'm not extreme, I'm redeemed with faith to serve a God that's extremely great! I'm a fanatic!"
Because life's too short to be anything but a fanatic. A fanatic for Christ.
Any fanatics out there?
Love,
Anna
[forallthefanatics.blogspot.com]
November 18, 2011
November 11, 2011
tenth avenue north + andy mineo + lecrae.
"Jesus was a nice guy, but wasn't no friend to me. My lips said I loved Him, my actions despised His reign. I had my own agenda, I was my own king..." -Andy Mineo, "Formerly Known"
So. Another reason my blog's name/address is changing. I'm taking a step in my walk, and I wanted my blog to take a step with me.
It's kind of hard to tell ya'll this, but I think you've all been there in some point in time. When you talked the talk, but didn't walk the walk. Where everything you said was Jesus, but nothing you did was. Where your schedule was empty and there was still no room on the calendar for spending time with God. That's where I was. And it's not 'was' as in a year ago. Five months ago. Try four days ago.
I don't know what clicked, but when I listened to Tenth Avenue North's CD, Over and Underneath, something did. The lyrics were just so worship-filled. Every song was telling me how great God is, just in different words. "Love Is Here" told me God isn't later. He is right now -- in this moment. Which lead to the thought, "Why am I waiting? Why do I keep pushing Him to the side?" Which eventually led to this post.
The answers to my questions weren't exactly reassuring.
Why am I waiting?
Apathy, complacency, laziness...
Why do I keep pushing Him to the side?
Because I think I have better things to do.
What can be better than God? I don't know about you guys, but when I've experienced His presence, it's like a high that lasts for a week or two. Events like church camp. Winter retreat. Concerts. But that "high" wears off. And I'm right back to where I started. I make time for anything and everything, rather than My Everything being my schedule. It's pathetic, really. But I think a lot of us get caught in these ruts, where Jesus was a a nice guy, but wasn't no friend to me. Where we determine our own fate and end up even more miserable than we were before.
"I had a dream that I was captain of my soul, I was master of fate. I lost control and then I sank. So I don't wanna take the lead, 'cause I'm prone to make mistakes..." -Lecrae, "Background"
I was blending in, not standing out. I had become part of the crowd all over again, worrying what people thought of me, just wanting to be accepted. I'd become complacent and apathetic, just like everyone else. Complaining about homework, rolling my eyes at people's faults instead confessing my own. That's not how it's supposed to be. We were made to be light in a dark world.
"I was made to light it up, city on a hill top. And I know the Only Way so hit me when you feel lost. So put your shades on, you know lower your frames. 'Cause when His glory shines, you gon' lower your frame..." -Lecrae in "Let There Be Light" by Andy Mineo
So. Another reason my blog's name/address is changing. I'm taking a step in my walk, and I wanted my blog to take a step with me.
It's kind of hard to tell ya'll this, but I think you've all been there in some point in time. When you talked the talk, but didn't walk the walk. Where everything you said was Jesus, but nothing you did was. Where your schedule was empty and there was still no room on the calendar for spending time with God. That's where I was. And it's not 'was' as in a year ago. Five months ago. Try four days ago.
I don't know what clicked, but when I listened to Tenth Avenue North's CD, Over and Underneath, something did. The lyrics were just so worship-filled. Every song was telling me how great God is, just in different words. "Love Is Here" told me God isn't later. He is right now -- in this moment. Which lead to the thought, "Why am I waiting? Why do I keep pushing Him to the side?" Which eventually led to this post.
The answers to my questions weren't exactly reassuring.
Why am I waiting?
Apathy, complacency, laziness...
Why do I keep pushing Him to the side?
Because I think I have better things to do.
What can be better than God? I don't know about you guys, but when I've experienced His presence, it's like a high that lasts for a week or two. Events like church camp. Winter retreat. Concerts. But that "high" wears off. And I'm right back to where I started. I make time for anything and everything, rather than My Everything being my schedule. It's pathetic, really. But I think a lot of us get caught in these ruts, where Jesus was a a nice guy, but wasn't no friend to me. Where we determine our own fate and end up even more miserable than we were before.
"I had a dream that I was captain of my soul, I was master of fate. I lost control and then I sank. So I don't wanna take the lead, 'cause I'm prone to make mistakes..." -Lecrae, "Background"
I was blending in, not standing out. I had become part of the crowd all over again, worrying what people thought of me, just wanting to be accepted. I'd become complacent and apathetic, just like everyone else. Complaining about homework, rolling my eyes at people's faults instead confessing my own. That's not how it's supposed to be. We were made to be light in a dark world.
"I was made to light it up, city on a hill top. And I know the Only Way so hit me when you feel lost. So put your shades on, you know lower your frames. 'Cause when His glory shines, you gon' lower your frame..." -Lecrae in "Let There Be Light" by Andy Mineo
November 3, 2011
can you help me out with my chemistry?
Both kinds. One being the actual subject and the other being the guy-girl thing. *heavy sigh* I'm utterly confused.
See, the only reason I decided to take chemistry this year is because all of my junior friends raved about Mrs. Elrod and how easy she made it seem. Well, um... SHE MOVED. And now I have a chemical engineer that doesn't have a teaching degree. He's really nice and he tries extremely hard, but he's just.. not a teacher. When he tries to answer a question I have, I am pushed even further into this endless hole of confusion. Numbers and elements swirl around in my head, never finding the correct place on the paper. We're discussing different kinds of reactions right now. Here's what's called a synthesis reaction, or a reaction where two elements combine to form a new compound.
See, the only reason I decided to take chemistry this year is because all of my junior friends raved about Mrs. Elrod and how easy she made it seem. Well, um... SHE MOVED. And now I have a chemical engineer that doesn't have a teaching degree. He's really nice and he tries extremely hard, but he's just.. not a teacher. When he tries to answer a question I have, I am pushed even further into this endless hole of confusion. Numbers and elements swirl around in my head, never finding the correct place on the paper. We're discussing different kinds of reactions right now. Here's what's called a synthesis reaction, or a reaction where two elements combine to form a new compound.
anna + chemistry -----> F
The only reason I'm passing that class with an A (yes, I'm a nerd -- sorry to disappoint) right now is because all the homework grades are participation. I don't know what I'm going to do when the next test rolls around. The last test didn't turn out so pretty. I made a 75... with a curve and two bonus points. *head/desk x 10*
Then there's the guy-girl thing...
So.
There's this guy (obviously..). He loves God and Lecrae and drives this old-but-not-too-old-just-perfect pickup truck. I'm good friends with his sister and his little brother and I have a continual joke-argument about this football play. He waves at me, says hi, and always seems to be around when I am. He's sat by me when their were plenty of open seats and when he looks at me, his eyes are always smiling like "I know something you don't know." But it hasn't gone further than that. Mainly because we're both shy.. or because he doesn't like me? I mean, when a guy likes a girl, doesn't he do something about it? Well, I guess he sort of has. And I didn't give him a clear answer. Or any answer.
He asks nicely, "Anyone sitting here?"
"No," I say, barely forcing the word out of my mouth.
We sit there in silence. He's probably thinking "She's not into me" and I'm just happy to be in his presence.
Another instance. Me and few friends from youth group are sitting around the table talking. I talk to Abbey and Courtney and Elliot, but I can't bring myself to talk to him. Because talking to him requires eye contact and eye contact means that feeling you get after you drop down the first hill on a roller coaster. And that feeling goes straight to my brain and jumbles up all the letters, words, and sentences in my head. So just don't look at him -- problem solved, right? Wrong. 'Cause then he thinks I don't like him.. and I really, really do.
I love his voice and that it reminds me of warm, maple syrup.
I love his wittiness.
I love how he wears the same pair of khaki shorts nearly every Sunday.
I love that his favorite Poptarts are the cinnamon ones, just like me.
I love the way he says my name.
I love how when we're together, I feel like we could do anything.
I love that he loves Jesus.
But he doesn't know that.
Because I'm failing chemistry -- both kinds.
October 31, 2011
sweet sixteen and never swapped spit.
Blunt, I know. Demeaning to the wonderful, romantical thought of kissing. But it's true. As of yesterday, I'm officially sixteen and never been kissed. Funny. Some people -- most people -- would find that humiliating, but I'm rather proud of it. It's more than a lot of girls can say. It might have something to do with I've never dated anyone either.. but still.
I'm not trying to bash on people that have had their first kiss already or before they turned sixteen. Nononono. It's a personal thing, a deal I have with God. Well, not really a deal. A promise, I guess. It's something like this:
God, I know You already have my love story written and sitting on Your shelf of fairy tales. And since I know You made it magical, I'm not going to kiss a guy until I've dated him at least two years and truly believe he might be the guy You have set apart for me. No making out, no groping, no doing IT. Just hand-holding and hugs and a possible goodnight kiss, after that two year mark, that is. And I won't give him my whole heart, because it belongs to You and You alone. Thanks for loving me enough to put every perfect detail in my book and for having a [hopefully] blue-eyed, gentlemanly, blue-jeans-Tshirt-and-TOMS guy out there for me. I know He'll be everything I ever wanted, 'cause he'll be what You wanted for me. And You know me better than I know me.
But, as I stated before, that's my commitment. I don't expect yours to comply with mine. But I do hope you have your own set of standards. Namely, because of this this verse.
I'm not trying to bash on people that have had their first kiss already or before they turned sixteen. Nononono. It's a personal thing, a deal I have with God. Well, not really a deal. A promise, I guess. It's something like this:
God, I know You already have my love story written and sitting on Your shelf of fairy tales. And since I know You made it magical, I'm not going to kiss a guy until I've dated him at least two years and truly believe he might be the guy You have set apart for me. No making out, no groping, no doing IT. Just hand-holding and hugs and a possible goodnight kiss, after that two year mark, that is. And I won't give him my whole heart, because it belongs to You and You alone. Thanks for loving me enough to put every perfect detail in my book and for having a [hopefully] blue-eyed, gentlemanly, blue-jeans-Tshirt-and-TOMS guy out there for me. I know He'll be everything I ever wanted, 'cause he'll be what You wanted for me. And You know me better than I know me.
But, as I stated before, that's my commitment. I don't expect yours to comply with mine. But I do hope you have your own set of standards. Namely, because of this this verse.
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. [proverbs 4:23]
Think about it. If you give your secrets, your kisses -- your heart -- to a guy and he breaks it, "everything you do" is going to be broken, too. But if you give your heart to God and let Him decide who to give it to, your heart will be in perfect condition, and everything you do will show it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that once you give part of yourself away, you can't get it back. And the more you give, the less you have to give to your guy. I believe waiting makes something more valuable. Take my TOMS for example. I've wanted them for almost two years and now they're finally on their way to my front porch. Do you think I'll run through mud in them? Step in something gross? No. I'll be especially careful to make sure they stay nice as long as humanly possible. Why? Because I'll value them. And why will I value them? Because I had to wait for them. It's the same way with love. The longer a guy has to wait for you, the more he'll value you. Somebody smart once said, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."
I think I'll go find a tower to hide away in and wait till my true love comes to give me the smoulder.
;)
October 28, 2011
"i just wanna be like You"
"He will use the concert/trip to teach you something important, so be prepared to learn."
This was advice from my dear friend Kathryn, letter-form (the most sincere form of communication, jussayin'). Little did I know, she was right. But not about the topic she's thinking of. No, my lesson was on focus.
See, I went on this trip with a few wishes, daydreams -- whatever you want to call them -- tucked in my pocket. My crush was on this trip, and I was hoping to catch his eye. I'm not the flashy kind of girl, and I'm not overly flirty. I'm content watching from a distance, pondering all these things in my heart.
But just because I don't show my 'like' for someone doesn't mean I don't think about them. Doesn't mean I don't enjoy a smile meant just for me, or a "Hey Anna!". Doesn't mean that person wasn't my focus. Because he was. Until now.
For those of you who are big time Lecrae fans (memememe! :)), you know how awesome a role model he is for us teenagers that are learning to pursue Christ. Well, he's not just an awesome role model -- he's an awesome preacher. I know God gave him the words because it was like they were gripping my heart; they weren't flat like usual. He talked about how the world's like a sandbox and how you can drink sand all day long, but it's just going to make you more thirsty. And how if you're not drinking in Jesus, you're still going to be thirsty. He said Jesus can't be a part of your life. He has to be your life. And in that moment, I knew I needed to make Jesus my life, not just a piece of the puzzle. Because He's the glue that holds the pieces together. Not a boy. Not my social ranking. Not the amount of money in my pocket. JESUS.
And yet, I can't seem to find ten minutes in my day to spend with Him. He's lucky to get a prayer at the end of the day, memorized and droning. I think more about a guy than I do The Guy. More about questions on my homework than The Answer. More about this world than it's Creator. It's pathetic and "I'm afraid that this complacency is something I can't shake."
I want Him to be my focus, but how can He be when I won't put forth the effort? I seriously need to reevaluate myself and see where God is. 'Cause right now, I'm like me. And me is tired of apathy. Tired of being ineffective. I don't want to be like me.
"I just wanna be like You -- walk like, talk like, even think like You. The only one I could look to. You're teachin' me to be just like You. I just gotta be like, like I just gotta be like You..." -Lecrae
And yet, I can't seem to find ten minutes in my day to spend with Him. He's lucky to get a prayer at the end of the day, memorized and droning. I think more about a guy than I do The Guy. More about questions on my homework than The Answer. More about this world than it's Creator. It's pathetic and "I'm afraid that this complacency is something I can't shake."
I want Him to be my focus, but how can He be when I won't put forth the effort? I seriously need to reevaluate myself and see where God is. 'Cause right now, I'm like me. And me is tired of apathy. Tired of being ineffective. I don't want to be like me.
"I just wanna be like You -- walk like, talk like, even think like You. The only one I could look to. You're teachin' me to be just like You. I just gotta be like, like I just gotta be like You..." -Lecrae
October 26, 2011
determinate, d-d-determinate!
I have a confession to make.
Hi, my name is Anna. I'm four days away from being sixteen and I love the band Lemonade Mouth.
*laughs* Like ya'll are gonna judge me for that. I should know better by now. Silly me. *shakes head*
_______________________________________________________________________________________
Now that that's out of the way, let's continue to the real reason for this post.
Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, that 'confession' above has a lot to do with this post. I really worry about what people think of me. I mean, yes, you should care to a certain extent. As in they know you're a Christian and you're different because Jesus' is in you. But I care way beyond that. I care about what they think about my hair, my complexion, my clothes, my grades..everything? And I shouldn't. You can't live your life trying to please everyone. 'Cause it's just not gonna happen.
Consequently, I've always kind of.. hid, I guess. I've always shied away from the spotlight or anything moderately close to it. Take my singing for example. Yes, I sing special music at church. I've been in choirs. I've had solos in school programs. I sing when I'm jamming with my friends. But the fear of people saying I'm awful or not liking my voice has kept me from using my talent to it's fullest. I'm not trying to brag on myself here (please, please, please don't take it that way!), but I can sing well. Very well. And the only ones that get to hear it are my shower head and my parents. The rest of the world sees a girl that can keep a tune and sings alright, not recording material.
That would be fine, I guess..that is, if I didn't wanna be a singer. *takes deep breath* Did I just type that? I did. Oh, gosh.
See, I haven't admitted this to many people (feel loved!) -- I know most everyone would shoot it down, telling me it's a one-in-a-million chance blah blah blah blah blah. So I've kept it deep inside my heart, pondering the thought for at least three years or so. Til today.
It's not like I want to be a teen sensation like Justin Bieber or a good-girl-gone-bad like Miley. I don't want to be on the cover of People or anything or sell a million records. I'd just like to write songs about what I've gone through and share them with the world. About what God's done for me. About a kid with beautiful eyes. About embracing today. About wanting to change the world so bad you write a post about it.
I want them to know I'm not just the freaky Jesus girl in the corner. I have a life that's real and important and a purpose for living like I do. That God isn't a big, unconcerned guy that sits up in the clouds doing nothing. That I'm waiting on a guy that might never feel the same way. That I want to be seen. That I want to change the world.
That I want to determinate.
"Gotta turn the world into your dance floor, determinate, d-d-terminate. Push it til you can't and then demand more, d-d-terminate. You and me together, we can make it better. Gotta turn the world into your dance floor, determinate, d-d-terminate!" -Lemonade Mouth
October 24, 2011
me & love songs.
This is kind of pathetic, but I've been writing a love song. I feel really Taylor Swift-ish and cheesy, but I dunno. I was just laying in bed one night and it was like God just handed me lyrics. And yes, it's about a real guy that I know that I like. So now you know. *takes deep breath* Here it goes.
The Kid With the Beautiful Eyes
By me, Anna.
I'm walking down the hall
When I look up to see
Those beautiful eyes
Smiling right at me
I force myself to grin
But I really wanna cry
'Cause I know the kid with the beautiful eyes will never be mine
He's confident, he's a gentleman
He's everything I've ever wanted
He's genuine, he's passionate
He makes me feel like I belong and
Everything'll be alright
He's the kid with the beautiful eyes
I wonder if he knows
All I really wanna say
Is "hi, hello, what's up?", ya know?
Or just a simple "hey"
His laugh is like a song
That gets stuck in my head
And I remember every conversation we've ever had
He's confident, he's a gentleman
He's everything I've ever wanted
He's genuine, he's passionate
He makes me feel like I belong and
He's good with kids, he doesn't quit
He keeps his chin up through it all and
He's unashamed, he knows my name
But he doesn't know how hard I'm fallin'
He just smiles and walks on by
He's the kid with the beautiful eyes
I've got a shoe box full of letters
And one of them's to you
Maybe one day you will read it
And then you'll see it, too
She's confident, she's innocent
She's everything you ever wanted
She's gentle and she's beautiful
She makes you feel like you belong and
She's been here all this time
She's the girl right in front of your eyes
I'm the girl right in front of your eyes
The Kid With the Beautiful Eyes
By me, Anna.
I'm walking down the hall
When I look up to see
Those beautiful eyes
Smiling right at me
I force myself to grin
But I really wanna cry
'Cause I know the kid with the beautiful eyes will never be mine
He's confident, he's a gentleman
He's everything I've ever wanted
He's genuine, he's passionate
He makes me feel like I belong and
Everything'll be alright
He's the kid with the beautiful eyes
I wonder if he knows
All I really wanna say
Is "hi, hello, what's up?", ya know?
Or just a simple "hey"
His laugh is like a song
That gets stuck in my head
And I remember every conversation we've ever had
He's confident, he's a gentleman
He's everything I've ever wanted
He's genuine, he's passionate
He makes me feel like I belong and
He's good with kids, he doesn't quit
He keeps his chin up through it all and
He's unashamed, he knows my name
But he doesn't know how hard I'm fallin'
He just smiles and walks on by
He's the kid with the beautiful eyes
I've got a shoe box full of letters
And one of them's to you
Maybe one day you will read it
And then you'll see it, too
She's confident, she's innocent
She's everything you ever wanted
She's gentle and she's beautiful
She makes you feel like you belong and
She's been here all this time
She's the girl right in front of your eyes
I'm the girl right in front of your eyes
October 20, 2011
lists + lyrics.
Let's begin, shall we? :)
1. School No organization skills whatsoever.
The obvious, I suppose. But lately, it's been ten times worse. I blame it on my disorganization. My mom claims my room looks like a pig-sty, and well, if that's the case then my biology and chemistry study guides are somewhere in the mist of the pig-pen -- namely, my four walls. That narrows it down right? *sarcasm evident in voice* So. Tonight is going to be a Mission: Organization kind of night. Bedroom, closet, backpack, binders -- my life -- will soon look like the front cover of a home and gardens magazine. Let's hope it stays that way. *pauses a moment* *laughs*
2. Prayer. After prayer after prayer.
I've had the God-are-you-listening, my-prayers-are-bouncing-off-the-ceiling-and-smacking-me-in-the-face feeling for the past few days. It seems no matter how hard I try to get off of myself and onto God, I never do. Rather, the opposite. "Face down, this carpet tastes like coffee grounds, ground into my face now. And every angle is covered with just another Band-Aid." Matthew Thiessen, thank you for understanding.
My mom brought up the point that I need to give it to God instead of trying to do it by my own power. I have a hard time with not being in control of my future. I know His plans for me surpass anything I could ever dream of, but my faith is shaky, so my future is blurry. Why can't I just lay the future in His hands? It's already there anyway. I'm just fighting it. But why? There's nothing to fight.
3. Heart-jumbled.
My heart is all confused right now, thanks to a guy. A guy! I feel ridiculous. I've always been the kind of girl that has been proud to stand on my own two feet. Like that lyric in La La Land by Demi Lovato that says, "Who says I can't be single and have to go out and mingle?" Or at least I thought I was. I've been stuck on this guy for almost an entire year. My heart's holding onto him excitedly waving, him sitting by me, him grinning wide whenever I walk in the room. But I the rest of me says, "Seriously, Anna? Don't spend your whole life waiting for a guy that might not want to be waited on."
In conclusion, this post can be summed up in these lyrics:
"Oh where is my hairbrush, oh where is my hairbrush?!" Veggie Tales = essence of my childhood.
"So I'll stop searching for the answers, I'll stop praying for an escape. And I'll trust You, God, with where I am and believe that You will have Your way..." -Britt Nicole
"And when you find everything you looked for, I hope your life leads you back to my door. Oh, but if it don't stay beautiful.." -Taylor Swift
The obvious, I suppose. But lately, it's been ten times worse. I blame it on my disorganization. My mom claims my room looks like a pig-sty, and well, if that's the case then my biology and chemistry study guides are somewhere in the mist of the pig-pen -- namely, my four walls. That narrows it down right? *sarcasm evident in voice* So. Tonight is going to be a Mission: Organization kind of night. Bedroom, closet, backpack, binders -- my life -- will soon look like the front cover of a home and gardens magazine. Let's hope it stays that way. *pauses a moment* *laughs*
2. Prayer. After prayer after prayer.
I've had the God-are-you-listening, my-prayers-are-bouncing-off-the-ceiling-and-smacking-me-in-the-face feeling for the past few days. It seems no matter how hard I try to get off of myself and onto God, I never do. Rather, the opposite. "Face down, this carpet tastes like coffee grounds, ground into my face now. And every angle is covered with just another Band-Aid." Matthew Thiessen, thank you for understanding.
My mom brought up the point that I need to give it to God instead of trying to do it by my own power. I have a hard time with not being in control of my future. I know His plans for me surpass anything I could ever dream of, but my faith is shaky, so my future is blurry. Why can't I just lay the future in His hands? It's already there anyway. I'm just fighting it. But why? There's nothing to fight.
3. Heart-jumbled.
My heart is all confused right now, thanks to a guy. A guy! I feel ridiculous. I've always been the kind of girl that has been proud to stand on my own two feet. Like that lyric in La La Land by Demi Lovato that says, "Who says I can't be single and have to go out and mingle?" Or at least I thought I was. I've been stuck on this guy for almost an entire year. My heart's holding onto him excitedly waving, him sitting by me, him grinning wide whenever I walk in the room. But I the rest of me says, "Seriously, Anna? Don't spend your whole life waiting for a guy that might not want to be waited on."
In conclusion, this post can be summed up in these lyrics:
"Oh where is my hairbrush, oh where is my hairbrush?!" Veggie Tales = essence of my childhood.
"So I'll stop searching for the answers, I'll stop praying for an escape. And I'll trust You, God, with where I am and believe that You will have Your way..." -Britt Nicole
"And when you find everything you looked for, I hope your life leads you back to my door. Oh, but if it don't stay beautiful.." -Taylor Swift
lists + lyrics = my life as of late.
how 'bout you?
October 18, 2011
dear soccer,
I was on the edge of my seat the entire game last night. Between the head-butts, kicks halfway across the field, and goals that were so close I could taste them, I was completely mesmerized. It was like I had found my true love, except, well...oh, never mind. The experience was enthralling, and it was as though I had ended a novel with a cliff hanger -- I wanted more!
Yes, yesterday was the first soccer game I've ever attended. And yes, I attended because my cousin was playing and I needed ten bonus points in chemistry. *shuffles feet* But you definitely made it worthwhile! With a score of 1 to 1, 10 minutes of overtime, and then PKs, my nerves were kicking in. During the last shot, you had everyone on their feet. I can still picture it: the ball flying through the cold, autumn air, whirling past the goalie's opened hands, and making a comforting swish as it landed in the net. For only a moment, there was complete silence, then the crowd roared with applause and fans flooded the field. The soccer guys attacked each other with hugs and noogies*, full of pride for their team and the heart each player had given. It gave me that warm-fuzzy feeling* from the ends of my hair to tips of my toes. And it was only 30 degrees outside.
What a great sport you are. One game and you've won (no pun intended! ;)) me over. I can't wait until we meet again.
Sincerely,
Anna
*an action in which a guy puts another guy in a headlock, then lovingly scrubs his victim's head with his fist as though washing a dog
*the sensation that occurs when you see a puppy sleeping or a baby smile :)
October 14, 2011
worth it.
"You're worth it, you can't earn it. The cross has proven that you're sacred and blameless. Your life has purpose..." -Mikeschair
Not gonna lie. I've read other peoples' blogs and felt completely worthless. Is that weird? Maybe. But for a while -- until this post -- Blogger became a place that I always felt inferior, awkward, and unbeautiful (new word. I make those up a lot.) Which is funny. Because I started this blog to share my mishaps, my opinions on books, movies, people, God and everything He has planned for us -- my life -- with others. With you. Not look at others' lives and compare them to my own.
My life isn't all about vintage clothing, recipes, and traveling across the sea to England or Africa. My life is about learning to love God, striving to love people. About leaving my PSAT check in my basketball shorts in my bedroom floor. About getting aggravated at how fake so people can be. About getting a high-five from Lecrae. About my crush holding the door for me. About the life Jesus has given me and taking it one step at a time, converse on my feet, lyrics floating through my mind. That's my life.
I don't care for things other Bloggers like. Take photography for example. I don't enjoy to taking pictures of crisp, red apples or the vibrant grass in my backyard or my outfits or of anything really. Maybe at concerts or one sunset I think is inspirational. But not of every little detail. My blog is more words and music, verses that stick out to me, random tags I've selected. That's just what I like to blog about.
And a lot of people say, "Well, I don't want my blog to be a dumping ground, so I share the happy stuff." That's completely understandable. But it creates the illusion of perfection for all who read their blog, which brings us back to where I started. I felt worthless because my life didn't sound like novel chapters, intriguing and beautifully written.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I honestly blog for me as much as I do for ya'll. And seeing all these posts about 'seemingly perfect lives', I don't want you to feel that way about me. My life is not perfect. My life is worth it. Because of a man named Jesus who treasures my life over His own. He gave His life so I could experience it. That's why I blog. Because I have a purpose and one day, He's gonna make it so worth it.
Not gonna lie. I've read other peoples' blogs and felt completely worthless. Is that weird? Maybe. But for a while -- until this post -- Blogger became a place that I always felt inferior, awkward, and unbeautiful (new word. I make those up a lot.) Which is funny. Because I started this blog to share my mishaps, my opinions on books, movies, people, God and everything He has planned for us -- my life -- with others. With you. Not look at others' lives and compare them to my own.
My life isn't all about vintage clothing, recipes, and traveling across the sea to England or Africa. My life is about learning to love God, striving to love people. About leaving my PSAT check in my basketball shorts in my bedroom floor. About getting aggravated at how fake so people can be. About getting a high-five from Lecrae. About my crush holding the door for me. About the life Jesus has given me and taking it one step at a time, converse on my feet, lyrics floating through my mind. That's my life.
I don't care for things other Bloggers like. Take photography for example. I don't enjoy to taking pictures of crisp, red apples or the vibrant grass in my backyard or my outfits or of anything really. Maybe at concerts or one sunset I think is inspirational. But not of every little detail. My blog is more words and music, verses that stick out to me, random tags I've selected. That's just what I like to blog about.
And a lot of people say, "Well, I don't want my blog to be a dumping ground, so I share the happy stuff." That's completely understandable. But it creates the illusion of perfection for all who read their blog, which brings us back to where I started. I felt worthless because my life didn't sound like novel chapters, intriguing and beautifully written.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I honestly blog for me as much as I do for ya'll. And seeing all these posts about 'seemingly perfect lives', I don't want you to feel that way about me. My life is not perfect. My life is worth it. Because of a man named Jesus who treasures my life over His own. He gave His life so I could experience it. That's why I blog. Because I have a purpose and one day, He's gonna make it so worth it.
September 30, 2011
i'm a little more than useless.
written on thursday, september 29, 2011 -- one month and one day away from my 16th birthday
______________________________________________________________________________________
Just a little. *holds index finger and thumb less than a millimeter apart* I'm running on the caffeine from the two mugs of green tea I consumed this morning and my brain swears it cannot intake anything more. It has no desire to read, to learn, to fill in annoying scantrons, to listen to lectures for an hour and forty minutes. How I'm writing this in words you can understand is a happy surprise, because my mind is not thinking them. No, it's my fingers swiftly moving across the keyboard, the sincerity of a sleep-deprived sophomore.
I procrastinated my 401 page AR book until four days before I would be tested over it. And miraculously, I pulled it off. My mom -- my sweet, sweet mother -- stayed up with me until midnight, reading and listening to me stumble over page after page, making sure I didn't fall asleep. She coaxed me into drinking green tea (I was so shaky I was sure I would spill it), which is the only reason I'm able to type this post of nonsense at this very moment, like I said in my first sentence *head/desk*
So I'm feeling quite useless today, pale and black circles underneath my eyes. Huge navy jacket swallowing my 5'6 1/2" frame, grey Keds on my feet, Old Navy shirt and jeans sporadically matched. I keep catching myself gazing off into the distance, then quickly snapping out of it once I notice someone looking at me, wondering what I'm doing in my own little world. I have a volleyball game tonight, and I'm hoping my reflexes will work for me, but I know they'll at least be a little slow, due the fact I only got four hours of sleep last night.
friday, september 30, 2011 -- one month exactly until i'm officially 16
______________________________________________________________________________________
Oh, yesterday was nothing. The green tea has now worn off, and I am COMPLETELY useless. I fell like I could collapse on my desk at any given moment -- legit. I even told the guy I sit with on the bus to not take it personally if I fell out on him this morning. Awkward? Yes. True? VERY.
On days like these, I need to know I'm a little more than useless, and this verse proves it:
______________________________________________________________________________________
Just a little. *holds index finger and thumb less than a millimeter apart* I'm running on the caffeine from the two mugs of green tea I consumed this morning and my brain swears it cannot intake anything more. It has no desire to read, to learn, to fill in annoying scantrons, to listen to lectures for an hour and forty minutes. How I'm writing this in words you can understand is a happy surprise, because my mind is not thinking them. No, it's my fingers swiftly moving across the keyboard, the sincerity of a sleep-deprived sophomore.
I procrastinated my 401 page AR book until four days before I would be tested over it. And miraculously, I pulled it off. My mom -- my sweet, sweet mother -- stayed up with me until midnight, reading and listening to me stumble over page after page, making sure I didn't fall asleep. She coaxed me into drinking green tea (I was so shaky I was sure I would spill it), which is the only reason I'm able to type this post of nonsense at this very moment, like I said in my first sentence *head/desk*
So I'm feeling quite useless today, pale and black circles underneath my eyes. Huge navy jacket swallowing my 5'6 1/2" frame, grey Keds on my feet, Old Navy shirt and jeans sporadically matched. I keep catching myself gazing off into the distance, then quickly snapping out of it once I notice someone looking at me, wondering what I'm doing in my own little world. I have a volleyball game tonight, and I'm hoping my reflexes will work for me, but I know they'll at least be a little slow, due the fact I only got four hours of sleep last night.
friday, september 30, 2011 -- one month exactly until i'm officially 16
______________________________________________________________________________________
Oh, yesterday was nothing. The green tea has now worn off, and I am COMPLETELY useless. I fell like I could collapse on my desk at any given moment -- legit. I even told the guy I sit with on the bus to not take it personally if I fell out on him this morning. Awkward? Yes. True? VERY.
On days like these, I need to know I'm a little more than useless, and this verse proves it:
You didn't choose me, remember; I chose you...
[john 15:16]
God chose me. Set me apart. He has a purpose for my life, even on days like these, even if I can't see what it is. I'm chosen. And a little more than useless.
Currently listening to: Year 3000 by the Jonas Brothers on Pandora. THIS IS MY JAMSSSS!!!!
Currently listening to: Year 3000 by the Jonas Brothers on Pandora. THIS IS MY JAMSSSS!!!!
September 28, 2011
quotes.
*note: another honors english II assignment.. see, we have these weekly 'journal entries' and i'm beginning to enjoy them. ssh ;)
I love Bible verses. They're God's words to us; pieces of the most genuine love letter ever written. It would be crazy-difficult to pick just one.
So instead I'm going with a lyric that I've always found ingenious. Kudos to Matthew Thiessen of Relient K.
I love Bible verses. They're God's words to us; pieces of the most genuine love letter ever written. It would be crazy-difficult to pick just one.
So instead I'm going with a lyric that I've always found ingenious. Kudos to Matthew Thiessen of Relient K.
"I know to live you must give your life away."
^ It never ceases to make me think and yet, at the same time, it spills -- spells -- out everything.
My life is mine, yes. But really, no it isn't. I'm the one living it, but then again, am I really living?
See, to live -- really live -- you have to know God. I can't imagine not knowing Him. Life is so hard with Him, life without Him must be torturous. See, when you give God your life, you're actually getting your life. The life that you were meant to live rather than the one you were given. Rather than trying to navigate through the rejection, anger, hurt, and frustration, you can let God take the wheel. Sure, life's still going to be tough, but let's face it, that's life. But instead of being brought down by the heavy loads life packs on you, you can run free and enjoy the little things like your favorite song on the radio or cake batter ice cream from Coldstone. When you give you life to God, you're exchanging it for hope. Peace. Happiness.
I'm glad I made the trade♥
September 26, 2011
49 questions, anyone? :)
*note: completed on friday, not posted til monday.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
1. High heels or boots? Boots. I trip enough without three inches shoved under my feet :P
2. What time did you get up this morning? 4:47. To study for an Honors Algebra II test. Blahhhkk.
3. What was the last movie you saw at the theater? Monte Carlo..dang, that was ages ago!!
4. What is your maiden name? Um, I'm single? *bites lip*
5. What is your favorite T.V. Show? It changes a lot, but right now, it's Highway to Heaven.
6. What do you usually have for breakfast? Rice Crispies or Honey Nut Cheerios.
7. What is your middle name? Sorry, that's personal ;)
8. What food do you dislike? Anything fishy. The smell makes me hurl (literally...)
9. What is your favorite CD at the moment? I have 3 :) Five Score and Seven Years Ago by Relient K and Leaving Eden by Brandon Heath and 116 Clique Compilation.
10. What characteristic do you despise? Two-facedness.
11. Favorite clothing? Sweatpants that are ten sizes too big...which I'm wearing right now :)
12. Anywhere in the world on vacation? Japan..we've been over this! ;)
13. Are you an organized person? The clothes on my bedroom floor say it all.
14. Where would you retire to? Somewhere out in the country where everything's peaceful and I can feel God all around me.
15. What was your most recent memorable birthday? Last year when I went to see Stellar Kart :D
16. What are you going to do when you finish this? Post it..? Haha!
17. Furthest place you have ever been to? Gulf Shores, AL.
18. Person you wish you could meet? Jesus of course!!!!
19. When is your birthday? October 30th. Little over a month away :)
20. Are you a morning person or a night person? Kinda both. I like to stay up late but I can be alright in the morning.
21. What is your shoe size? 7-7 1/2, depending.
22. Do you own any animals? Not as of now, but we're in the process of putting up a fence so we can get a dog :)
23. Any news you'd like to share? I'm going to see Lecrae in concert pretty soon!!!! PUMPED!!!!! :D
24. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? A vet. I loved puppies..still do, actually :)
25. What is your favorite flower? Lilies. They smell the best :)
26. What day on the calendar are you looking forward to? October 1st...fall break!
27. If you were a crayon, what would you be? Electric green -- bright and noticeable.
28. How is the weather right now? Rainy. And I'm loving it.
29. Last person you spoke to on the phone? That would be my mom, tehe.
30. Favorite drink? Lemonade or Sprite. And hot green tea on occasion..
31. Favorite Restaurant? Does Coldstone count as a restaurant..? :)
32. Hair color? Brown with lots of blonde highlights (real ones, just for the record ;) )
33. What was your favorite toy as a child? My stuffed golden lab Princess. I took her everyyyywhere.
34. Spring, summer, fall, or winter? Fall, summer, spring, then winter. Can't choose just one!
35. Chocolate or vanilla? Depending on what it is. Vanilla milkshake, chocolate brownie...etc, etc.
36. Coffee or tea? Tea. Hands down.
37. Wish you were still young? Sometimes, but I know God has a plan for me here and now, too.
38. Do you want to get married? Yes..*blushes*
39. When was the last time you cried? Yesterday. I'm a crier :')
40. What is under you bed? No monsters ;) Just a Nike box full of letters and my diary and last year's yearbook.
41. What did you do last night? Homework. Thrilling, I know :P
42. What are you afraid of? Being rejected.
43. Salty or sweet? Sweet most definitely.
44. Best quality you have? My smile... and my inclusiveness. I hate to see people being left out.
45. How many years at your current job? Don't have one yet... but I babysit every now and again.
46. Favorite day of the week? Wednesday. I love Wednesdays.
47. Favorite movie? Finding Nemo, Tangled, The Perfect Man.
48. Have you ever had a crush on anyone? *sheepish grin* yes, and he just said hello to me this morning in the hallway :)
49. Do you like finding all this stuff out about your friends? Offff course! Which is why all of you should do this tag. So I can see the details of you.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
1. High heels or boots? Boots. I trip enough without three inches shoved under my feet :P
2. What time did you get up this morning? 4:47. To study for an Honors Algebra II test. Blahhhkk.
3. What was the last movie you saw at the theater? Monte Carlo..dang, that was ages ago!!
4. What is your maiden name? Um, I'm single? *bites lip*
5. What is your favorite T.V. Show? It changes a lot, but right now, it's Highway to Heaven.
6. What do you usually have for breakfast? Rice Crispies or Honey Nut Cheerios.
7. What is your middle name? Sorry, that's personal ;)
8. What food do you dislike? Anything fishy. The smell makes me hurl (literally...)
9. What is your favorite CD at the moment? I have 3 :) Five Score and Seven Years Ago by Relient K and Leaving Eden by Brandon Heath and 116 Clique Compilation.
10. What characteristic do you despise? Two-facedness.
11. Favorite clothing? Sweatpants that are ten sizes too big...which I'm wearing right now :)
12. Anywhere in the world on vacation? Japan..we've been over this! ;)
13. Are you an organized person? The clothes on my bedroom floor say it all.
14. Where would you retire to? Somewhere out in the country where everything's peaceful and I can feel God all around me.
15. What was your most recent memorable birthday? Last year when I went to see Stellar Kart :D
16. What are you going to do when you finish this? Post it..? Haha!
17. Furthest place you have ever been to? Gulf Shores, AL.
18. Person you wish you could meet? Jesus of course!!!!
19. When is your birthday? October 30th. Little over a month away :)
20. Are you a morning person or a night person? Kinda both. I like to stay up late but I can be alright in the morning.
21. What is your shoe size? 7-7 1/2, depending.
22. Do you own any animals? Not as of now, but we're in the process of putting up a fence so we can get a dog :)
23. Any news you'd like to share? I'm going to see Lecrae in concert pretty soon!!!! PUMPED!!!!! :D
24. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? A vet. I loved puppies..still do, actually :)
25. What is your favorite flower? Lilies. They smell the best :)
26. What day on the calendar are you looking forward to? October 1st...fall break!
27. If you were a crayon, what would you be? Electric green -- bright and noticeable.
28. How is the weather right now? Rainy. And I'm loving it.
29. Last person you spoke to on the phone? That would be my mom, tehe.
30. Favorite drink? Lemonade or Sprite. And hot green tea on occasion..
31. Favorite Restaurant? Does Coldstone count as a restaurant..? :)
32. Hair color? Brown with lots of blonde highlights (real ones, just for the record ;) )
33. What was your favorite toy as a child? My stuffed golden lab Princess. I took her everyyyywhere.
34. Spring, summer, fall, or winter? Fall, summer, spring, then winter. Can't choose just one!
35. Chocolate or vanilla? Depending on what it is. Vanilla milkshake, chocolate brownie...etc, etc.
36. Coffee or tea? Tea. Hands down.
37. Wish you were still young? Sometimes, but I know God has a plan for me here and now, too.
38. Do you want to get married? Yes..*blushes*
39. When was the last time you cried? Yesterday. I'm a crier :')
40. What is under you bed? No monsters ;) Just a Nike box full of letters and my diary and last year's yearbook.
41. What did you do last night? Homework. Thrilling, I know :P
42. What are you afraid of? Being rejected.
43. Salty or sweet? Sweet most definitely.
44. Best quality you have? My smile... and my inclusiveness. I hate to see people being left out.
45. How many years at your current job? Don't have one yet... but I babysit every now and again.
46. Favorite day of the week? Wednesday. I love Wednesdays.
47. Favorite movie? Finding Nemo, Tangled, The Perfect Man.
48. Have you ever had a crush on anyone? *sheepish grin* yes, and he just said hello to me this morning in the hallway :)
49. Do you like finding all this stuff out about your friends? Offff course! Which is why all of you should do this tag. So I can see the details of you.
Currently listening to:
I'm Not Who I Was by Brandon Heath on Pandora :)
September 16, 2011
You're the song when my heart is singin'...
"... it's Your love. You're the eyes to the blind man, You're the feet to the lame man walkin'. It's the sound of the people singin' it's Your love!" -Brandon Heath
Isn't being close to God the most magical feeling ever? I've been so excited just for life lately. It's like something clicked. Mainly because of these verses (kudos to Bro. Jason, my pastor).
And I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts, living within you as you trust him. May your roots grow down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love; and may you be able to feel and understand, as all God's children should, how long, how wide, how deep, and how high his love really is; and to experience this love for yourselves, though it is so great that you will never see the end of it or fully know or understand it... [Ephesians 3:17-19]
That's crazy love. Crazy. GOD, Who is perfection in every way, loves ME, the klutzy, silly, lyric-quoting girl that I am. He loves that I love Relient K and rainstorms. I screw up on a daily basis, and yet, He loves me just as much as He did the day before.
The same goes for you. Whether you play guitar or catch softballs. Listen to Beethoven or Lecrae. Blonde hair, brown hair, red hair, black hair, blue hair. Converse and blue jeans or a pleated skirt with an Oxford. And everything in-between. He looks at you as a whole, good and bad alike, and thinks, "Wow. Bleah's vintage looks are so unique. I love that about her." and "Katie's Beatles-obsession is just great. Gotta love my Katie." Even "Kathryn's laughing again. Isn't she beautiful?" Kind of leaves me in awe.
Recently, His love has looked like this to me:
- giving a speech and not freaking out for once in my life
- finding a letter in the mailbox from my best friend Kathryn
- realizing my 16th birthday is only one month away (give or take a few days)
- dunking Oreos in milk and watching Route 66 every afternoon
- 'the best thing' coming on my Pandora and jamming out to it in English class
- having a heart-to-heart with Callie, a close friend in my youth group
- my crush waving at me with the goofiest, most fantastical grin on his face
God's giving me a little insight about the little things -- and I'm running with it. Seriously, the little things are everything. They're Him giving us a glimpse of hope right when we need it. And I'm loving it.
Isn't being close to God the most magical feeling ever? I've been so excited just for life lately. It's like something clicked. Mainly because of these verses (kudos to Bro. Jason, my pastor).
And I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts, living within you as you trust him. May your roots grow down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love; and may you be able to feel and understand, as all God's children should, how long, how wide, how deep, and how high his love really is; and to experience this love for yourselves, though it is so great that you will never see the end of it or fully know or understand it... [Ephesians 3:17-19]
That's crazy love. Crazy. GOD, Who is perfection in every way, loves ME, the klutzy, silly, lyric-quoting girl that I am. He loves that I love Relient K and rainstorms. I screw up on a daily basis, and yet, He loves me just as much as He did the day before.
The same goes for you. Whether you play guitar or catch softballs. Listen to Beethoven or Lecrae. Blonde hair, brown hair, red hair, black hair, blue hair. Converse and blue jeans or a pleated skirt with an Oxford. And everything in-between. He looks at you as a whole, good and bad alike, and thinks, "Wow. Bleah's vintage looks are so unique. I love that about her." and "Katie's Beatles-obsession is just great. Gotta love my Katie." Even "Kathryn's laughing again. Isn't she beautiful?" Kind of leaves me in awe.
Recently, His love has looked like this to me:
- giving a speech and not freaking out for once in my life
- finding a letter in the mailbox from my best friend Kathryn
- realizing my 16th birthday is only one month away (give or take a few days)
- dunking Oreos in milk and watching Route 66 every afternoon
- 'the best thing' coming on my Pandora and jamming out to it in English class
- having a heart-to-heart with Callie, a close friend in my youth group
- my crush waving at me with the goofiest, most fantastical grin on his face
God's giving me a little insight about the little things -- and I'm running with it. Seriously, the little things are everything. They're Him giving us a glimpse of hope right when we need it. And I'm loving it.
What does His love look like to you lately?
September 14, 2011
September 12, 2011
we were never abandoned.
As everyone knows, Sunday was the 10th anniversary of 9/11. Not that I'd call it an anniversary. Those are usually something to celebrate. This isn't worth celebrating...not even close.
Ground Zero sounds kind of intriguing if you don't know what it is. What happened there. And if you do know, it's still a mystery if you're not a native New Yorker. Sure, you've seen the CNN footage of the planes crashing, the towers collapsing, the aftermath. All at Ground Zero. But we'll never really understand. Not really. Because we weren't there. We didn't feel the tower quake or see the flames angrily rushing towards us. We didn't surrender our lives hoping to save another's. Most of us were only in kindergarten or first grade, which left us oblivious to the tragedy that was unfolding before our nation's eyes.
If you lost a parent, relative, friend in 9/11, my heart goes out to you. And I'm saying that because, honestly, I can't find the words to say. I won't pretend to know what you must've felt or what you're still going through, because I don't. I won't say, "I'm sorry", because sorry could never cover it. But I will say this.
God was there. His heart was breaking at the sight. But He brought something beautiful out of it. A nation pulled together. Strangers became shoulders to cry on. Enemies became friends. Innocent people lost their lives to stop that fourth plane from demolishing our nation's capital. Fearless firefighters, policeman, and bystanders forgot about themselves, and because of that, they will forever be remembered. If that's not God, I don't know what is.
I've shouted up to God, furious the He allows disasters like 9/11 to happen. I've done it over and over and over. I probably will again. But He has a purpose for everything. And that purpose is Jesus.
If nothing bad happened, everyone would be happy. We wouldn't be searching for something beyond the ordinary, because the ordinary would satisfy us. We wouldn't need a glimpse of hope, because everything around us would be hopeful. We wouldn't need grace, because it would be a common act people performed day to day. But it's not like that. We need something beyond this world. We need hope that tomorrow is going to be better. We need grace because no one will grant it. If disasters ceased to exist, we wouldn't need Him. But the fact is, we do. We desperately need a Savior. Someone who will take our hand and walk beside us. Someone who will give grace when we don't deserve it. Someone who will never, ever leave. And that someone is Jesus.
Ground Zero sounds kind of intriguing if you don't know what it is. What happened there. And if you do know, it's still a mystery if you're not a native New Yorker. Sure, you've seen the CNN footage of the planes crashing, the towers collapsing, the aftermath. All at Ground Zero. But we'll never really understand. Not really. Because we weren't there. We didn't feel the tower quake or see the flames angrily rushing towards us. We didn't surrender our lives hoping to save another's. Most of us were only in kindergarten or first grade, which left us oblivious to the tragedy that was unfolding before our nation's eyes.
If you lost a parent, relative, friend in 9/11, my heart goes out to you. And I'm saying that because, honestly, I can't find the words to say. I won't pretend to know what you must've felt or what you're still going through, because I don't. I won't say, "I'm sorry", because sorry could never cover it. But I will say this.
We were pressed hard on every side.
But we were not crushed.
We were struck down.
But we were not destroyed.
We were perplexed.
But we didn't despair.
We were persecuted.
But WE WERE NOT ABANDONED.
[from 2 Corinthians 4:8-9]
God was there. His heart was breaking at the sight. But He brought something beautiful out of it. A nation pulled together. Strangers became shoulders to cry on. Enemies became friends. Innocent people lost their lives to stop that fourth plane from demolishing our nation's capital. Fearless firefighters, policeman, and bystanders forgot about themselves, and because of that, they will forever be remembered. If that's not God, I don't know what is.
I've shouted up to God, furious the He allows disasters like 9/11 to happen. I've done it over and over and over. I probably will again. But He has a purpose for everything. And that purpose is Jesus.
If nothing bad happened, everyone would be happy. We wouldn't be searching for something beyond the ordinary, because the ordinary would satisfy us. We wouldn't need a glimpse of hope, because everything around us would be hopeful. We wouldn't need grace, because it would be a common act people performed day to day. But it's not like that. We need something beyond this world. We need hope that tomorrow is going to be better. We need grace because no one will grant it. If disasters ceased to exist, we wouldn't need Him. But the fact is, we do. We desperately need a Savior. Someone who will take our hand and walk beside us. Someone who will give grace when we don't deserve it. Someone who will never, ever leave. And that someone is Jesus.
September 9, 2011
truth is...
[august 18, 2011] and yes, i started my list with #0.
0. high school is only fun for popular people: fiction.
1. fact: high school is fun for the people who make it fun.
2. i am so sleepy right now i could collapse on my desk and no one would be able to wake me for at least 8 hours.
3. i'm obsessing over the song 'someone worth dying for' by mikeschair. i seriously want to bawl every time i hear it.
4. i've been hung up on the same guy for almost a year. pathetic? eh. going somewhere? possible..
5. i'm dying to put my hair in a ponytail right now but i know it'll look sloppy so i'm refraining.
6. i have a volleyball game tonight, and for some reason, i'm not worried at all.
7. i really want a frostie from wendy's. like, asap.
8. i need to be working on my chemistry worksheet and reviewing books for english, but i'm typing this [near] pointless post.
9. I NEED FOOOOOD!!!!
10. this post is coming to a close, due to the fact...
11. i have nothing else to say.
12. oh, wait.
13. you guys rock for reading this post of whatnot.
14. okay. now this post is closed.
;)
0. high school is only fun for popular people: fiction.
1. fact: high school is fun for the people who make it fun.
2. i am so sleepy right now i could collapse on my desk and no one would be able to wake me for at least 8 hours.
3. i'm obsessing over the song 'someone worth dying for' by mikeschair. i seriously want to bawl every time i hear it.
4. i've been hung up on the same guy for almost a year. pathetic? eh. going somewhere? possible..
5. i'm dying to put my hair in a ponytail right now but i know it'll look sloppy so i'm refraining.
6. i have a volleyball game tonight, and for some reason, i'm not worried at all.
7. i really want a frostie from wendy's. like, asap.
8. i need to be working on my chemistry worksheet and reviewing books for english, but i'm typing this [near] pointless post.
9. I NEED FOOOOOD!!!!
10. this post is coming to a close, due to the fact...
11. i have nothing else to say.
12. oh, wait.
13. you guys rock for reading this post of whatnot.
14. okay. now this post is closed.
;)
September 2, 2011
to all the dreamers.
*note: this was an actual honors english II assignment.. and i actually enjoyed it. HA!
Some people would call me a dreamer. I still believe in love at first sight, that laughing on a park bench doesn't only occur in Taylor Swift songs, and "happily-ever-after" isn't just at the end of fairy tales. Hence why I'm labeled, "dreamer".
But I'm not a typical dreamer that has every detail put in its perfect place. My dreams are only bits and pieces, random inklings scattered across my life. Some of my dreams are written in notebooks, others on my bedroom wall, and even more are hidden in my heart. Like I said, I don't have the specifics planned out, which isn't helping, seeing as this assignment is supposed to be predominantly descriptions...
Anyway, fast forward five years from now.
I'll most likely be sleep-deprived and extremely grumpy, seeing as I just pulled an all-nighter to ensure and A on my midterm. My hair will be swooped into a concoction of hair, ponytail holders, and bobby pins and I'll be sporting sweats and my favorite pair of converse. Though I've brushed my teeth ten times over, Colgate refuses to cover the smell of my coffee breath. I sigh and hurl my messenger bag over my shoulder, pushing my appearance aside. All that matters right now is this test.
Not a very pretty picture, I know. But I'm determined to make something of myself, even if I'm not sure what that something is yet.
Travel five more years down the road...
I'll be happily married to a guy with dazzling eyes that loves God with all his heart. We'll live in a white two story with navy blue shudders that we built ourselves. He'll play catch with our son in the front yard even thought the glove will barely stay on his tiny hand. Our little girls will sing "Jesus loves me" on the way home from church, and he'll smile and squeeze my hand, content with the life we've made for ourselves. When we both can't sleep, we'll make hot chocolate and read the Psalms aloud. Our love will grow stronger as our love for Christ grows stronger.
Call me overly optimistic. Tell me I need a reality check. But I believe God has an amazing story written just for me -- the girl named Anna -- the dreamer.
"I'm still a dreamer, a believer. Yeah, I've lost my faith in so many things, but I still believe in You.." -Sanctus Real
August 31, 2011
it's chapstick and chapped lips and things like..biology?
"Your illustrations always point out just what's wrong with me. It's chapstick and chapped lips and things like chemistry..." - Relient K
Now you may find this lyric as complete and utter gibberish (another amazing RK song -- just sayin'). I, however, think it surpasses witty and right into the you-understand-teenagers-perfectly category. Why?
1. I can never find any chapstick when I need it. Instead, I find it when my lips are moisturized and it's of absolutely no use to me.
2. I have chapped lips all throughout winter. The nasty kind that bleed when you accidently bite down too hard on them. Yeah. Ow. Not looking forward to it.
And 3. In the song they're talking about chemistry, I know. The kind of chemistry in relationships, not the class. Yeahyeahyeah. But right now, I'm hating biology. So I just inserted it where chemistry is supposed to be. I'm making an 87 in there right now, which isn't too thrilling when you're normally used to 96s and 97s. And your teacher kind of creeping you out doesn't help much either.
But the funny thing is, all these annoyances don't seem to matter to me anymore. Ever since I found Ephesians 6:15, God's been showing me all the little things. As of late those include: beasting at my volleyball game last night, my crush sitting by me at church *blushes*, and a zucchini muffin from my best friend yesterday morning. Sorry guys, I went off chasing butterflies for a moment. Little things are worth the chasing, though :)
Back to the everyday annoyances. They just roll off my back now. It's like I could care less what people think of me anymore. I mean, the worst they can do is call me a name. Make fun of my faith. Tell me I don't know how to have fun and that I'm a total geek. The point is, we all have faults. We could always point out something wrong with someone else. And ourselves. Maybe our mistakes are what make us beautiful. Beautiful messes, cleaned up by The Janitor, name-tag reading, "Jesus". Now if we can only learn to look past the mess part and see the beautiful.
"I don't want to be perceived the way I am, I just want to be perceived the way I am."
Now you may find this lyric as complete and utter gibberish (another amazing RK song -- just sayin'). I, however, think it surpasses witty and right into the you-understand-teenagers-perfectly category. Why?
1. I can never find any chapstick when I need it. Instead, I find it when my lips are moisturized and it's of absolutely no use to me.
2. I have chapped lips all throughout winter. The nasty kind that bleed when you accidently bite down too hard on them. Yeah. Ow. Not looking forward to it.
And 3. In the song they're talking about chemistry, I know. The kind of chemistry in relationships, not the class. Yeahyeahyeah. But right now, I'm hating biology. So I just inserted it where chemistry is supposed to be. I'm making an 87 in there right now, which isn't too thrilling when you're normally used to 96s and 97s. And your teacher kind of creeping you out doesn't help much either.
But the funny thing is, all these annoyances don't seem to matter to me anymore. Ever since I found Ephesians 6:15, God's been showing me all the little things. As of late those include: beasting at my volleyball game last night, my crush sitting by me at church *blushes*, and a zucchini muffin from my best friend yesterday morning. Sorry guys, I went off chasing butterflies for a moment. Little things are worth the chasing, though :)
Back to the everyday annoyances. They just roll off my back now. It's like I could care less what people think of me anymore. I mean, the worst they can do is call me a name. Make fun of my faith. Tell me I don't know how to have fun and that I'm a total geek. The point is, we all have faults. We could always point out something wrong with someone else. And ourselves. Maybe our mistakes are what make us beautiful. Beautiful messes, cleaned up by The Janitor, name-tag reading, "Jesus". Now if we can only learn to look past the mess part and see the beautiful.
"I don't want to be perceived the way I am, I just want to be perceived the way I am."
August 29, 2011
once upon a saturday, i met my soul mate.
Once upon a time there was a girl named Anna who was in love with a voice. Though she had heard it on the radio and had been sung to sleep by it on her iPod, she hadn't realized how amazing the guy behind the voice was. Until Saturday.
Well, that 'amazing guy behind the voice' is Brandon Heath. Now I could go on and on about how nice, cute, and talented he is. But that's not why I love him.. not really. No, I love Brandon because he seriously wants God's eyes. He wants to see beyond the superficial stuff. He wants to see the people inside. He wants to share the grace that he was given. That's why I love Brandon.
He sang all of his radio hits -- I'm Not Who I Was, Give Me Your Eyes, Wait and See, Love Never Fails, Your Love, and The Light In Me -- + more, all perfectly.
Ya know how concerts can be a total let down sometimes? How the artist sounds one way on the CD you've obsessed over forever, and then you see them live and they...well...aren't so great? Brandon wasn't anything like that -- he sounds exactly like he does on K-Love. On my CDs. I mean, a recording can't do this guy justice!
And like I said, he wants God's eyes. I got to meet him afterward, and he was so... genuine. There was an way-out-the-door-line of people waiting to meet him, and he was still trying to get to know everyone. When I had him sign my poster he was like, "Hey, nice to meet you. What's your name?" How awesome is that? The poor guy has fans everywhere and at least two hours worth of signatures and photos, and he still took the time to write 'Anna' on my poster. Not sure why, but that really stood out to me.
He likes country music and wears converse. And He loves God. So yeah. We're soul mates. The musical kind♥
August 26, 2011
i know the weight of this world can take you down like gravity.
I know it's hard to be strong. I know it's hard to fight for what's right. I know some days you just want to give up. I know there's times when you question everything you've ever believed. I know you wonder if this is for real. I know... 'cause I've been there.
Some people get the idea that I'm "super Christian". That I never do anything wrong or mess up. That I have that mountain-moving kind of faith. But, um, NEWSFLASH! ...besides the fact I've accepted grace and try to live by it, I'm just like everybody else.
I feel unwanted.
Alone.
Insecure.
Confused.
Mistreated.
Annoyed (sometimes to the point I want to rip my hair out).
And just plain angry.
The world can do that to you. Rude people, a magnet falling on your head and breaking (yeah, that happened to me... don't ask..), having so many bruises from volleyball you look abused, getting in argument with your mom, having a biology teacher that grades so harsh you make a 75... they can bring you down. Or maybe you're going through something that's worse -- a fight with a friend, anorexia, depression, losing a loved one. I don't know what you're going through. But He does. And He hears you. He'll break open the sky for you. Just ask.
Some people get the idea that I'm "super Christian". That I never do anything wrong or mess up. That I have that mountain-moving kind of faith. But, um, NEWSFLASH! ...besides the fact I've accepted grace and try to live by it, I'm just like everybody else.
I feel unwanted.
Alone.
Insecure.
Confused.
Mistreated.
Annoyed (sometimes to the point I want to rip my hair out).
And just plain angry.
The world can do that to you. Rude people, a magnet falling on your head and breaking (yeah, that happened to me... don't ask..), having so many bruises from volleyball you look abused, getting in argument with your mom, having a biology teacher that grades so harsh you make a 75... they can bring you down. Or maybe you're going through something that's worse -- a fight with a friend, anorexia, depression, losing a loved one. I don't know what you're going through. But He does. And He hears you. He'll break open the sky for you. Just ask.
August 23, 2011
dear picture day,
listening to: a penny loafer saved is a penny loafer earned by relient k
reasoning: penny loafers are pointless... just like picture days. i think matty t. would agree.
the feeling is mutual. i hate you too. all you are is a beauty contest, but you mask the real beauty that a picture doesn't portray. all you see from a picture is a fake smile and the top of a shirt. can you say lame? unfair? completely opposite of what this person normally looks like? and another thing, what if you decide to come around when a whole bunch of people are having a bad day? all you're gonna get is straight faces and annoyed glares. what if you ruin a girl's entire life all because her yearbook picture turned out exceptionally horrible? or blind someone with your bright lights? or cause a geeky person to stay home because they're so embarrassed of their pimples or glasses or something? don't you think of anyone but yourself? do me a favor and replace yourself with an x-ray. an x-ray that shows all the good qualities behind those awful pictures. all the kindness, laughter, smarts, strength, persistence, hope, passion, and love. the things that really matter -- the things the whole world deserves to know. maybe then we'd realize that the name on your shirt, the zits on your face, and the number that's on the scale -- we'd realize all those things are worthless. maybe we'd see that we're all beautiful to Him. and that's all that really matters.
sincerely,
anna, the girl who wants x-ray vision
reasoning: penny loafers are pointless... just like picture days. i think matty t. would agree.
the feeling is mutual. i hate you too. all you are is a beauty contest, but you mask the real beauty that a picture doesn't portray. all you see from a picture is a fake smile and the top of a shirt. can you say lame? unfair? completely opposite of what this person normally looks like? and another thing, what if you decide to come around when a whole bunch of people are having a bad day? all you're gonna get is straight faces and annoyed glares. what if you ruin a girl's entire life all because her yearbook picture turned out exceptionally horrible? or blind someone with your bright lights? or cause a geeky person to stay home because they're so embarrassed of their pimples or glasses or something? don't you think of anyone but yourself? do me a favor and replace yourself with an x-ray. an x-ray that shows all the good qualities behind those awful pictures. all the kindness, laughter, smarts, strength, persistence, hope, passion, and love. the things that really matter -- the things the whole world deserves to know. maybe then we'd realize that the name on your shirt, the zits on your face, and the number that's on the scale -- we'd realize all those things are worthless. maybe we'd see that we're all beautiful to Him. and that's all that really matters.
sincerely,
anna, the girl who wants x-ray vision
August 17, 2011
the little things.
quoting spongebob with your youth group girls in the car. trying to sound gangsta with your best friend and hoping you don't spew oreo. your crush accidentally bumping into you and your heart fluttering. praying before a volleyball game and having your coach follow your example. hearing the song
"dreamer" by sanctus real and knowing it was written just for you. God coming through for you even after you've been pushing Him to the side.
these are things i take for granted every day. my human eyes can only see the bad, when in all reality, i'm surrounded with good. i see i don't get enough playing time -- but someone else now has a chance to shine. i see that i only have a few true friends -- i could be completely friendless. i see that i'm not rich -- but i have food and clothes and clean water and a place to sleep at night. 99% of the people in the world (literally) don't have at least one of these necessities.
God wants us to make the most of the little things -- and i found a verse to prove it. paul said it like this in ephesians 6:15 --
...make THE MOST of every opportunity in these evil days.
that doesn't mean make the most of the ones you think are crappy. it's easy to acknowledge an a+ on a test or buying a pack of sour patch kids at walmart for 98 cents; a rude comment or icy glare -- not so much. but that verse didn't say make the most of some opportunities that come along. it said every opportunity. that means every single one. turn an argument into a chance to compromise. use a bad hair day to let girls know that they don't have to be perfect. someone talking about you into "well, at least they're leaving someone else alone."
and slowly but surely, all those things will add up to bigger things. contentedness. peace. confidence. hope. looking more like Him instead of you.
maybe the little things aren't so little after all.
"dreamer" by sanctus real and knowing it was written just for you. God coming through for you even after you've been pushing Him to the side.
these are things i take for granted every day. my human eyes can only see the bad, when in all reality, i'm surrounded with good. i see i don't get enough playing time -- but someone else now has a chance to shine. i see that i only have a few true friends -- i could be completely friendless. i see that i'm not rich -- but i have food and clothes and clean water and a place to sleep at night. 99% of the people in the world (literally) don't have at least one of these necessities.
God wants us to make the most of the little things -- and i found a verse to prove it. paul said it like this in ephesians 6:15 --
...make THE MOST of every opportunity in these evil days.
that doesn't mean make the most of the ones you think are crappy. it's easy to acknowledge an a+ on a test or buying a pack of sour patch kids at walmart for 98 cents; a rude comment or icy glare -- not so much. but that verse didn't say make the most of some opportunities that come along. it said every opportunity. that means every single one. turn an argument into a chance to compromise. use a bad hair day to let girls know that they don't have to be perfect. someone talking about you into "well, at least they're leaving someone else alone."
and slowly but surely, all those things will add up to bigger things. contentedness. peace. confidence. hope. looking more like Him instead of you.
maybe the little things aren't so little after all.
--a.s.
August 11, 2011
lost in a sea of faces.
I started school a few days ago meaning two things -- one) I now have my Mac and I'll be blogging more consistently and two) I am no longer on the bottom of the totem pole. Holla sophomores! :)
So (obviously) school is the last place I want to be, but I'm glad to see my friends and peirs. We haven't done much of anything except go over syllabuses and play name games, which was less than thrilling to say the least. The poor freshmen are still pretty confused about everything -- especially locker combinations -- and the seniors all have bad cases of what we call 'senioritis'. But, eh, that's high school for you.
I've been asking God to give me His eyes lately. To look past the attitudes and egos and heavy eyeliner and Hollister shirts and see the actual person. So far, I've failed epically, but I'm still trying, and I think that's what counts.
I didn't mention this to ya'll, but I don't have a single class with my best friend. At first I wanted to scream up to God the question we all ask nearly every day in our hearts: WHY?! Why would You do this? I just made a true friend and now I'll hardly get to see her! Why do You have to make being a teenager + a Christian harder than it already is?! I just don't get it! But as I reflected on my situation, my perspective slowly began to change.
See, I've always sort of been in someone's shadow. I'm not a leader, not a follower, so I was never really 'seen'. Sure people know me, who I am and what I stand for, but they don't see me. I've always played the background, not the main role. As much as I want to stand out, well, I never have. And while I was pondering this, it hit me.
It's my time to shine. God wants me to step out of the shadows.
So. Here I am. I'm no longer identified by who I hang out with or the role I play in this scene of my life. I'm Anna and I'm His.
"I am not just a man, vastly lost in this world. Lost in a sea of faces. Your body's the bread, Your blood is the wine. Because You traded Your life for mine." --Kutless
So (obviously) school is the last place I want to be, but I'm glad to see my friends and peirs. We haven't done much of anything except go over syllabuses and play name games, which was less than thrilling to say the least. The poor freshmen are still pretty confused about everything -- especially locker combinations -- and the seniors all have bad cases of what we call 'senioritis'. But, eh, that's high school for you.
I've been asking God to give me His eyes lately. To look past the attitudes and egos and heavy eyeliner and Hollister shirts and see the actual person. So far, I've failed epically, but I'm still trying, and I think that's what counts.
I didn't mention this to ya'll, but I don't have a single class with my best friend. At first I wanted to scream up to God the question we all ask nearly every day in our hearts: WHY?! Why would You do this? I just made a true friend and now I'll hardly get to see her! Why do You have to make being a teenager + a Christian harder than it already is?! I just don't get it! But as I reflected on my situation, my perspective slowly began to change.
See, I've always sort of been in someone's shadow. I'm not a leader, not a follower, so I was never really 'seen'. Sure people know me, who I am and what I stand for, but they don't see me. I've always played the background, not the main role. As much as I want to stand out, well, I never have. And while I was pondering this, it hit me.
It's my time to shine. God wants me to step out of the shadows.
So. Here I am. I'm no longer identified by who I hang out with or the role I play in this scene of my life. I'm Anna and I'm His.
"I am not just a man, vastly lost in this world. Lost in a sea of faces. Your body's the bread, Your blood is the wine. Because You traded Your life for mine." --Kutless
July 30, 2011
postacards, poems, and pondering (about guys).
I have returned my dear bloggers! To talk about... stuff. I like stuff. Do you like stuff? ;)
Seriously, though, I've missed ya'll a lot and I apologize for just now getting around to posting, but my summer has been (surprisingly!) jam-packed. I've hung out with my youth group (my oh-so-crazy-yet-wonderful youth group) a lot, had volleyball practices everyday since the end of June, and sleepovers with Shan of course. Okay, I'm rambling. I'll continue with my actual post.
First off, I have an announcement. I got a postcard -- FROM PARIS, FRANCE! I was so excited I did a happy dance for 5 minutes after I looked it down for the 18th time. My friend and pen pal, Katie, sent it to me -- yeah, she actually went to Paris. Amazing? Yes. Jealous? Maybeokayyes.
As for the 'poems' part of the title, I wrote a poem last night, that comes from somewhere deep within me that only God can see all of. It's called The Key to My Heart.
In my hand I hold a key
And with it lies my destiny.
Not for sale or up for grabs,
It's a gift, not yet unwrapped.
It will be given only when
I find a love that never ends.
The kind of love that feels my pain,
The kind of love that has no shame.
A love that's real and pure and true.
A love that means the words, "I do".
A love that lasts and flys so free,
A love that's meant for only me.
A love reflected in his eyes.
No just for me, but for Christ.
My love I know will never part;
He'll hold the key --
The key to my heart.
Now to the pondering. Guys are the subject I will never ace. The confusion will never end. So why do we keep pining after these clueless knuckleheads? Well for me it has to do with:
1. His eyes.
2. That grin.
3. His Lecrae obsession.
4. He loves God and means it.
5. He actually knows of my existence.
I want him to notice me, but I don't want to -- come onto him, ya know? I'm too shy to start a conversation, but not loud enough for him to look my way. 'Spose I'll just sit here and wait. I'm getting good at this whole waiting thing...maybe too good :P
"He sits there all alone. He's reading from a chapter that he sometimes calls his own. And now, he's takin' over me. This guy I once rejected, has now become the guy of my dreams..." --Hawk Nelson
Seriously, though, I've missed ya'll a lot and I apologize for just now getting around to posting, but my summer has been (surprisingly!) jam-packed. I've hung out with my youth group (my oh-so-crazy-yet-wonderful youth group) a lot, had volleyball practices everyday since the end of June, and sleepovers with Shan of course. Okay, I'm rambling. I'll continue with my actual post.
First off, I have an announcement. I got a postcard -- FROM PARIS, FRANCE! I was so excited I did a happy dance for 5 minutes after I looked it down for the 18th time. My friend and pen pal, Katie, sent it to me -- yeah, she actually went to Paris. Amazing? Yes. Jealous? Maybeokayyes.
As for the 'poems' part of the title, I wrote a poem last night, that comes from somewhere deep within me that only God can see all of. It's called The Key to My Heart.
In my hand I hold a key
And with it lies my destiny.
Not for sale or up for grabs,
It's a gift, not yet unwrapped.
It will be given only when
I find a love that never ends.
The kind of love that feels my pain,
The kind of love that has no shame.
A love that's real and pure and true.
A love that means the words, "I do".
A love that lasts and flys so free,
A love that's meant for only me.
A love reflected in his eyes.
No just for me, but for Christ.
My love I know will never part;
He'll hold the key --
The key to my heart.
Now to the pondering. Guys are the subject I will never ace. The confusion will never end. So why do we keep pining after these clueless knuckleheads? Well for me it has to do with:
1. His eyes.
2. That grin.
3. His Lecrae obsession.
4. He loves God and means it.
5. He actually knows of my existence.
I want him to notice me, but I don't want to -- come onto him, ya know? I'm too shy to start a conversation, but not loud enough for him to look my way. 'Spose I'll just sit here and wait. I'm getting good at this whole waiting thing...maybe too good :P
"He sits there all alone. He's reading from a chapter that he sometimes calls his own. And now, he's takin' over me. This guy I once rejected, has now become the guy of my dreams..." --Hawk Nelson
July 14, 2011
house cleaning details...or should i say blog cleaning...? ;)
There's just a few things that I need ya'll to know that I haven't told you. And if I don't tell you, you might take it the wrong way and think that I'm a rude, stuck-up, awful person. But I'm not! It's just that I never thought my blog would grow in numbers like it did, and I never imagined I'd have 11 comments on one post! It's crazy insane for me -- a good kind of crazy insane :)
So, now that I explained that, I can continue. Not to be braggy, (Can't stand bragginess...is that word? Well, I made it one) I get awarded a lot and I can't keep up with all of the people who award me and what award goes with what blog, etc, etc. I feel honored that you think my blog is terrifical (just watched Ramona and Beezus), but I have decided to ban awards. I want my blog to be a place where I can write my heart out; a place where competition doesn't exist.
I do enjoy a good tag every now again, but if I don't choose yours, please don't feel bad! It's nothing personal -- I just pick the ones I think are cool.
Then there's always the question -- will you follow my blog? Well...maybe. If I find your posts captivating and more importantly, Christ-focused, I'll definitely consider it. To be honest, I only have about ten blogs I keep a close eye on, but my following limit is 50 blogs. So if I don't follow you or unfollow you, it's not you, it's me. That sounded like a cheesy break up scene, haha.
And I think that's about it. Scratch that. It's not.
I completely re-did my 'yours truly' section, so if you wanna take a read, I'd feel loved. And I added a tab about a book (if you can call it that yet) that I'm working on. It's titleless and I'm having a hard time getting all my ideas down on paper, but I guess you could say 'it's getting there'.
And if you need a new song to crank up, here's what's coming through my headphones right now:
Okay, I seriously think that's it now ;)
love forever,
anna :)
So, now that I explained that, I can continue. Not to be braggy, (Can't stand bragginess...is that word? Well, I made it one) I get awarded a lot and I can't keep up with all of the people who award me and what award goes with what blog, etc, etc. I feel honored that you think my blog is terrifical (just watched Ramona and Beezus), but I have decided to ban awards. I want my blog to be a place where I can write my heart out; a place where competition doesn't exist.
I do enjoy a good tag every now again, but if I don't choose yours, please don't feel bad! It's nothing personal -- I just pick the ones I think are cool.
Then there's always the question -- will you follow my blog? Well...maybe. If I find your posts captivating and more importantly, Christ-focused, I'll definitely consider it. To be honest, I only have about ten blogs I keep a close eye on, but my following limit is 50 blogs. So if I don't follow you or unfollow you, it's not you, it's me. That sounded like a cheesy break up scene, haha.
I completely re-did my 'yours truly' section, so if you wanna take a read, I'd feel loved. And I added a tab about a book (if you can call it that yet) that I'm working on. It's titleless and I'm having a hard time getting all my ideas down on paper, but I guess you could say 'it's getting there'.
And if you need a new song to crank up, here's what's coming through my headphones right now:
Okay, I seriously think that's it now ;)
love forever,
anna :)
July 5, 2011
identity crisises & stuff like that.
No matter how hard to be something or someone we're not, we will never fully be them. We can look like them, act like them, wish we were them (whoever them may be), but really, we're still us.
I've struggled with being myself since the beginning of freshman year. Not only at school, but on Blogger as well. I've wished I was prettier, smarter, outgoing, more liked, fashionable, a better writer...the list could go on forever. I just kept finding faults in every detail of myself.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I haven't been completely honest with ya'll about who I really I am. I mean, all the messy details with my life. I play up all the good stuff and hardly ever reflect on the crappy. Occasionally I'll give you a piece of my heart, but it's never bad.
Truth is, if you knew me in person, my profile would sound a lot more like this:
I'm Anna, the insecure sophomore that's trying hard to go unnoticed as she walks down high school halls. I wish I could dance and eat 'like a lady', but no matter how hard I try, I still epically fail at both. I argue with my parents frequently and have to ask God to forgive me a lot. My heart beats really fast every time this junior soccer jock with amazing blonde hair comes around, even though he'll probably never see me in that light. I don't sit in coffee shops and read like some bloggers or travel or anything super amazing. I go to school, play volleyball, then come home. Sometimes I do stuff with my youth group or have a sleepover with my best friend, but other than that, my social life is nonexistent. I love blue eyes and rain and Oreos, and the only reason I tell you that is because really, you're the only ones that care.
^ Yeah. That's if you knew me in real life. But since you don't, I sound a bit more like this:
I've struggled with being myself since the beginning of freshman year. Not only at school, but on Blogger as well. I've wished I was prettier, smarter, outgoing, more liked, fashionable, a better writer...the list could go on forever. I just kept finding faults in every detail of myself.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I haven't been completely honest with ya'll about who I really I am. I mean, all the messy details with my life. I play up all the good stuff and hardly ever reflect on the crappy. Occasionally I'll give you a piece of my heart, but it's never bad.
Truth is, if you knew me in person, my profile would sound a lot more like this:
I'm Anna, the insecure sophomore that's trying hard to go unnoticed as she walks down high school halls. I wish I could dance and eat 'like a lady', but no matter how hard I try, I still epically fail at both. I argue with my parents frequently and have to ask God to forgive me a lot. My heart beats really fast every time this junior soccer jock with amazing blonde hair comes around, even though he'll probably never see me in that light. I don't sit in coffee shops and read like some bloggers or travel or anything super amazing. I go to school, play volleyball, then come home. Sometimes I do stuff with my youth group or have a sleepover with my best friend, but other than that, my social life is nonexistent. I love blue eyes and rain and Oreos, and the only reason I tell you that is because really, you're the only ones that care.
^ Yeah. That's if you knew me in real life. But since you don't, I sound a bit more like this:
I would say I'm a typical teenager, because I am. But at the same time, I'm far more than that. I'm a child of God, a writer, a blogger, a volleyball player, a lover of converse, an avid Hawk Nelson fan (though my favorite band changes every so often), and a klutz whose name means 'one of grace'. I'm Anna.
A lot cooler, right? Well, the first paragraph was the real me. No more identity crises, okay? 'Cause I know who I am now. I'm Anna -- the one God made to be her. Not the fashionista -- the one who wears rainboots with shorts. Not the dancer -- the singer. Not the popular one -- the one that reaches out. Not someone who hides in the crowd -- the one that's meant to stand out. That's who I am in Christ.
June 18, 2011
more about me, eh? you got it ;)
Bleah tagged me a while back and I'm just now getting around to posting it. That tends to happen a lot with me and tags. They get put off when I want to post something else. Oh well. I'm doing it now :)
Favorite:
Color? Turquoise and light green.
Candy? That's easy -- Sour Patch Kids.
Main dish? Ham fried rice, pleaseee :)
Dessert? Banana nut pudding milkshake from Chic-Fil-A.
Veggie? That's a toughie. But I'm going to go with carrots.
Do you...
Talk on the phone everyday to someone who is not family? Bleah...but we've cut our talking time.
Read your Bible everyday? Yes, we do a family devo at my house every night.
Do lots of reading? Depends. I have to be in a reading mood.
See your grandparents everyday? No, all my grandparents are in a better place now.
Bake a lot? At least once a month...maybe twice.
Clean your room everyday? Hahahah. You're funny :))
Have to say you're sorry to someone everyday? I have a bad habit of saying 'I'm sorry' a lot. So yes.
A certain thing you dislike of each category:
Veggie? Cauliflower.
Color? Gray. Washes me out :P
Animal? Snakes. *shudders*
Drink? Soy milk. *gags*
Random:
Go shopping? Thrift stores, baby.
Eat out? Pizza Inn. Or Casa Mexicana, depending on my mood.
Go visit? Japan. (We've been over this...)
What color is your room? White.
Do you have a:
Pet? Not as of now. But we're getting a dog this summer *cheesy grin*
Gift card at the moment? Lifeway and iTunes. Think that's it.
Big mess under your bed? Surprisingly, no.
Sewing machine? Do my fingers count? If so, yes ;)
Pack of gum in your bag or purse? I wish...
Computer in your room? Yup. My Mac.
Have you ever:
Been on a plane? Nope. But I want to.
Been out of state? Plenty of times.
Been in an eighteen wheeler? Can't say I have.
Read about a hundred and fifty page book in about an hour? Sadly, yes. I have no life.
More random:
Do you share a room with anyone? Nope. It's me, myself, and I.
Have you ever gone swimming in a pond? No...but I've swam in a lake.
How old are you? 15.
What year were you born? 1995.
Are you related to anyone important or famous? Not sure. I hope so :))
Have you ever met a vice president? Yes...of the speech club, haha ;)
Are you getting bored yet? Maybe...
Favorite:
Color? Turquoise and light green.
Candy? That's easy -- Sour Patch Kids.
Main dish? Ham fried rice, pleaseee :)
Dessert? Banana nut pudding milkshake from Chic-Fil-A.
Veggie? That's a toughie. But I'm going to go with carrots.
Do you...
Talk on the phone everyday to someone who is not family? Bleah...but we've cut our talking time.
Read your Bible everyday? Yes, we do a family devo at my house every night.
Do lots of reading? Depends. I have to be in a reading mood.
See your grandparents everyday? No, all my grandparents are in a better place now.
Bake a lot? At least once a month...maybe twice.
Clean your room everyday? Hahahah. You're funny :))
Have to say you're sorry to someone everyday? I have a bad habit of saying 'I'm sorry' a lot. So yes.
A certain thing you dislike of each category:
Veggie? Cauliflower.
Color? Gray. Washes me out :P
Animal? Snakes. *shudders*
Drink? Soy milk. *gags*
Random:
Go shopping? Thrift stores, baby.
Eat out? Pizza Inn. Or Casa Mexicana, depending on my mood.
Go visit? Japan. (We've been over this...)
What color is your room? White.
Do you have a:
Pet? Not as of now. But we're getting a dog this summer *cheesy grin*
Gift card at the moment? Lifeway and iTunes. Think that's it.
Big mess under your bed? Surprisingly, no.
Sewing machine? Do my fingers count? If so, yes ;)
Pack of gum in your bag or purse? I wish...
Computer in your room? Yup. My Mac.
Have you ever:
Been on a plane? Nope. But I want to.
Been out of state? Plenty of times.
Been in an eighteen wheeler? Can't say I have.
Read about a hundred and fifty page book in about an hour? Sadly, yes. I have no life.
More random:
Do you share a room with anyone? Nope. It's me, myself, and I.
Have you ever gone swimming in a pond? No...but I've swam in a lake.
How old are you? 15.
What year were you born? 1995.
Are you related to anyone important or famous? Not sure. I hope so :))
Have you ever met a vice president? Yes...of the speech club, haha ;)
Are you getting bored yet? Maybe...
June 14, 2011
a bunch of rambles rolled into one.
I've had lots of earth-shaking, ground-breaking, amazing ideas for posts lately, but guess what? I can't remember any of them. Normally when I think of a post, I can head to my computer, start a draft, and save it. But not now >.<
My computer's still being fixed *heavy sigh*, so yes, I'm at the library doing my weekly post. Hopefully we'll have it back soon, but until then I 'spose I'll just have to settle for weekly library-trips, which aren't all that bad I must admit. Books, movies, computer time...eh, I can live with that ;)
I kind of figured you might be wondering what's been up with me (or not...). Well, if you're reading this post I guess you are wondering...moving right along...
Summer's been going great so far. I went to Holiday World with my youth group and had a blast. I rode the world's #1 wooden rollercoaster, The Voyage, and survived ;) Raced down (what else?!) the Jungle Racers with the other nine of us that went, like, 5 times in a row. I think the lady working them was getting annoyed just a bit...but oh well. It was my favorite part of the whole day! We walked single file with our boards all on the same side and filed up the stairs like a kid-army or something. It was pretty hilarious.
I've had sleepovers with my bud, Shan, and plenty of girl talk sprinkled inbetween. X-men marathons, peanut butter pie, and diving for volleyballs in the front yard. Oh yes. We're awesome :)
And now I'm working VBS and it's a *glorious music, like angels...oh, you know!* concert theme. You know how I am with music. So it's pretty cool :D Go Fish remixed traditional songs (Jesus Loves Me, B-I-B-L-E, etc, etc.) and made them Vacation Bible School-worthy. Not only are they catchy, they're teaching kids what matters most in life. Anyway, I'm working Rec, which has been wild and crazy (but really fun!). Can't wait to see how the rest of the week pans out.
So...yeah. That's it, haha :) I'm really bad at wrapping up posts.
My computer's still being fixed *heavy sigh*, so yes, I'm at the library doing my weekly post. Hopefully we'll have it back soon, but until then I 'spose I'll just have to settle for weekly library-trips, which aren't all that bad I must admit. Books, movies, computer time...eh, I can live with that ;)
I kind of figured you might be wondering what's been up with me (or not...). Well, if you're reading this post I guess you are wondering...moving right along...
Summer's been going great so far. I went to Holiday World with my youth group and had a blast. I rode the world's #1 wooden rollercoaster, The Voyage, and survived ;) Raced down (what else?!) the Jungle Racers with the other nine of us that went, like, 5 times in a row. I think the lady working them was getting annoyed just a bit...but oh well. It was my favorite part of the whole day! We walked single file with our boards all on the same side and filed up the stairs like a kid-army or something. It was pretty hilarious.
I've had sleepovers with my bud, Shan, and plenty of girl talk sprinkled inbetween. X-men marathons, peanut butter pie, and diving for volleyballs in the front yard. Oh yes. We're awesome :)
And now I'm working VBS and it's a *glorious music, like angels...oh, you know!* concert theme. You know how I am with music. So it's pretty cool :D Go Fish remixed traditional songs (Jesus Loves Me, B-I-B-L-E, etc, etc.) and made them Vacation Bible School-worthy. Not only are they catchy, they're teaching kids what matters most in life. Anyway, I'm working Rec, which has been wild and crazy (but really fun!). Can't wait to see how the rest of the week pans out.
So...yeah. That's it, haha :) I'm really bad at wrapping up posts.
June 11, 2011
you ARE beautiful.
It's the truth.
I don't care if you're a size one or a size ten. If you're super tall or a munchkin from The Wizard of Oz. If your hair is blonde, brown, red, black, or some crazy awesome color like neon pink. If you have the latest trends or clothes from a consignment store. If you're Dad's a millionaire or if the daughter of an average Joe. If you're ingeniously smart or if you have to stop and think. If you have a boyfriend or your single.
You ARE beautiful.
But if you still aren't convinced, keep reading.
Want nice skin? God tells us that those who look to him are radiant, and that there'll never be shame on their faces. (Psalm 34:5)
Concerned about clothes? The lilies in the fields are beautiful, and they don't even have clothes. So why so you be worried about the price tag on your shirts and the label on your jeans? (Matthew 6:28)
Worried about everything in general? God said 'a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised' in Proverbs 31. Does it say the skinny girls will be praised? The ones with clothes from Abercrombie and Fitch? The ones with a boyfriend? NO!
It says that the God-lovers will.
May 29, 2011
when all you wanted was to be wanted.
One of my closest friends now has a boyfriend. He's not her first, but this time around, it's a little different. And don't get me wrong -- I'm happy for her... kind of.
See, this guy is two years older than us, which really isn't a problem if he's a good Christian guy and his main focus is God. Now, he says he's a Christian, but in my opinion, he doesn't live it. He cusses for one thing, and for another, he doesn't seem to be interested in long-term commitments, if you know what I mean.
I don't want to hurt her feelings -- but I want her to know that I don't feel like God wants her to be in this relationship. But then she'll snap back with the whole jealousy thing, and I really don't want to go there. Because I'm not jealous. Sure, he's an upperclassman and well, he's an upperclassman, but I don't think it's a good idea.
Picture this: a Nicholas Sparks guy rides in on a white horse (or better yet, in an old Ford pickup :) ), takes you by the hand, and tells you you're everything he's ever wanted. You spend hours upon hours on the phone, you walk down by the river holding hands, and listen to [insert your favorite band here], which you both happen to love. He eventually proposes, kisses you in the pouring rain, and you have kids three years later. And don't forget the golden retriever on the front porch. Ain't love grand ;))
Now imagine this: a cute guy asks you out on a date and he acts like Will from The Last Song. He tells you you're amazing and that he'll be the prince if you'll be the princess, that it's a love story baby just say yes. Sorry, Taylor Swift moment. Anyway, so you give him your first kiss (and quite a few more after that) and you just know you'll be together forever. I mean, he loves you, right? Six months later he gives you the whole 'it's not you, it's me' speech and you end up bawling your eyes out for days and eat 10 packs of peanut M&M's. Not a pretty picture...
If I asked you to pick which scenario you'd prefer, the first one would win by a long shot. As teenage girls, we long to be wanted; our hearts yearn for acceptance, attention, and love. But guys, well, a lot of them only have one thing on their mind. Not all of them -- that's for sure. But 95% or so.
Well, I'm really afraid that my friend's relationship is going to turn out like choice B. I mean, she's human. We're human. We want to be wanted. But if you wait for the right kind of want (did ya catch that? ;) ), your life might play out more like #1. Not as perfect, but a lot closer to it than the heartbreak sob story.
But right now, she can't see that...
"'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you,
You're gonna believe them.
And when you're fifteen, don't forget to look before you fall
I've found time can heal most anything
And you just might find who you're supposed to be.
I didn't know who I was supposed to be...
At fifteen."
See, this guy is two years older than us, which really isn't a problem if he's a good Christian guy and his main focus is God. Now, he says he's a Christian, but in my opinion, he doesn't live it. He cusses for one thing, and for another, he doesn't seem to be interested in long-term commitments, if you know what I mean.
I don't want to hurt her feelings -- but I want her to know that I don't feel like God wants her to be in this relationship. But then she'll snap back with the whole jealousy thing, and I really don't want to go there. Because I'm not jealous. Sure, he's an upperclassman and well, he's an upperclassman, but I don't think it's a good idea.
Picture this: a Nicholas Sparks guy rides in on a white horse (or better yet, in an old Ford pickup :) ), takes you by the hand, and tells you you're everything he's ever wanted. You spend hours upon hours on the phone, you walk down by the river holding hands, and listen to [insert your favorite band here], which you both happen to love. He eventually proposes, kisses you in the pouring rain, and you have kids three years later. And don't forget the golden retriever on the front porch. Ain't love grand ;))
Now imagine this: a cute guy asks you out on a date and he acts like Will from The Last Song. He tells you you're amazing and that he'll be the prince if you'll be the princess, that it's a love story baby just say yes. Sorry, Taylor Swift moment. Anyway, so you give him your first kiss (and quite a few more after that) and you just know you'll be together forever. I mean, he loves you, right? Six months later he gives you the whole 'it's not you, it's me' speech and you end up bawling your eyes out for days and eat 10 packs of peanut M&M's. Not a pretty picture...
If I asked you to pick which scenario you'd prefer, the first one would win by a long shot. As teenage girls, we long to be wanted; our hearts yearn for acceptance, attention, and love. But guys, well, a lot of them only have one thing on their mind. Not all of them -- that's for sure. But 95% or so.
Well, I'm really afraid that my friend's relationship is going to turn out like choice B. I mean, she's human. We're human. We want to be wanted. But if you wait for the right kind of want (did ya catch that? ;) ), your life might play out more like #1. Not as perfect, but a lot closer to it than the heartbreak sob story.
But right now, she can't see that...
"'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you,
You're gonna believe them.
And when you're fifteen, don't forget to look before you fall
I've found time can heal most anything
And you just might find who you're supposed to be.
I didn't know who I was supposed to be...
At fifteen."
May 24, 2011
just so you know...
I haven't forgotten you all or ditched you or anything equally and horribly awful. No, my stupid computer decided to break down (2 days before summer break, too!) and it turns out we're going to have to buy a whole new computer. *fist/screen* I'm actually on Shan's computer right now just to leave you this nice little note. So yeah. I love ya'll and I hope you have the time of your life this summer :)
Oh. And I only have one day of school left. I'LL BE FREEEEEEEE! I'll have time to read, get (somewhat of) a tan, and just get some good 'ol R&R. And plan out every last detail of my (dream) California vacation.
"The sun is calling me to the west, everyone's having fun out there..."
*Ahem* I shall be going now.
Signed with a wistful sigh and Hawk Nelson lyrics,
anna :)
Oh. And I only have one day of school left. I'LL BE FREEEEEEEE! I'll have time to read, get (somewhat of) a tan, and just get some good 'ol R&R. And plan out every last detail of my (dream) California vacation.
"The sun is calling me to the west, everyone's having fun out there..."
*Ahem* I shall be going now.
Signed with a wistful sigh and Hawk Nelson lyrics,
anna :)
May 16, 2011
"they dissect everything we say."
Yet another Hawk Nelson lyric. Haha, I'm a band skipper I 'spose. I'll really, really like one band, but after I know every single lyric to all of their songs, I'll move onto another one. Horrible, I know, but it's true :)
As Christians, it's almost as if everyone is continually examining our every move. We can't do anything wrong without it going unnoticed. You slip up and say a cuss word and everyone goes ballistic. You put down someone and you're automatically a hypocrite that doesn't love anyone and hates the world. Lame, I know. But it happens. A lot.
Maybe I see it more 'cause I'm in public school. I don't know. I just feel like I have to be perfect all day everyday. And you all know that's impossible. So how do we take this constant criticism without blowing up and ruining our reps (not to mention our witnesses)?
Well, I found some verses that pretty much spilled it out for me. God wants us to take it. He wants us to love on them, even if they're everything but loving to us. Hard? Yes. Doable? Yes...with His help.
1 Peter 2:23 (this one was my favorite) - When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.
James 1:2-4 - Consider pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
1 Corinthians 13:6-7 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, and always perseveres.
So, on an ending note...
"You can take the one thing I have left, I'd give it all away for so much less. Can even take the heart inside my chest, whoa, whoa. You can take the one thing I have left, beat me to the ground and take my breath. But you can't take who I am, whoa, whoa..."
As Christians, it's almost as if everyone is continually examining our every move. We can't do anything wrong without it going unnoticed. You slip up and say a cuss word and everyone goes ballistic. You put down someone and you're automatically a hypocrite that doesn't love anyone and hates the world. Lame, I know. But it happens. A lot.
Maybe I see it more 'cause I'm in public school. I don't know. I just feel like I have to be perfect all day everyday. And you all know that's impossible. So how do we take this constant criticism without blowing up and ruining our reps (not to mention our witnesses)?
Well, I found some verses that pretty much spilled it out for me. God wants us to take it. He wants us to love on them, even if they're everything but loving to us. Hard? Yes. Doable? Yes...with His help.
1 Peter 2:23 (this one was my favorite) - When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.
James 1:2-4 - Consider pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
1 Corinthians 13:6-7 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, and always perseveres.
So, on an ending note...
"You can take the one thing I have left, I'd give it all away for so much less. Can even take the heart inside my chest, whoa, whoa. You can take the one thing I have left, beat me to the ground and take my breath. But you can't take who I am, whoa, whoa..."
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