"i just wanna be like You"

"He will use the concert/trip to teach you something important, so be prepared to learn."

This was advice from my dear friend Kathryn, letter-form (the most sincere form of communication, jussayin').  Little did I know, she was right.  But not about the topic she's thinking of.  No, my lesson was on focus.

See, I went on this trip with a few wishes, daydreams -- whatever you want to call them -- tucked in my pocket.  My crush was on this trip, and I was hoping to catch his eye.  I'm not the flashy kind of girl, and I'm not overly flirty.  I'm content watching from a distance, pondering all these things in my heart.

But just because I don't show my 'like' for someone doesn't mean I don't think about them.  Doesn't mean I don't enjoy a smile meant just for me, or a "Hey Anna!".  Doesn't mean that person wasn't my focus. Because he was.  Until now.

For those of you who are big time Lecrae fans (memememe! :)), you know how awesome a role model he is for us teenagers that are learning to pursue Christ.  Well, he's not just an awesome role model -- he's an awesome preacher.  I know God gave him the words because it was like they were gripping my heart; they weren't flat like usual.  He talked about how the world's like a sandbox and how you can drink sand all day long, but it's just going to make you more thirsty.  And how if you're not drinking in Jesus, you're still going to be thirsty.  He said Jesus can't be a part of your life.  He has to be your life.  And in that moment, I knew I needed to make Jesus my life, not just a piece of the puzzle.  Because He's the glue that holds the pieces together.  Not a boy.  Not my social ranking.  Not the amount of money in my pocket.  JESUS.

And yet, I can't seem to find ten minutes in my day to spend with Him.  He's lucky to get a prayer at the end of the day, memorized and droning.  I think more about a guy than I do The Guy.  More about questions on my homework than The Answer.  More about this world than it's Creator.   It's pathetic and "I'm afraid that this complacency is something I can't shake."

I want Him to be my focus, but how can He be when I won't put forth the effort?  I seriously need to reevaluate myself and see where God is.  'Cause right now, I'm like me.  And me is tired of apathy.  Tired of being ineffective.  I don't want to be like me.

"I just wanna be like You -- walk like, talk like, even think like You.  The only one I could look to.  You're teachin' me to be just like You.  I just gotta be like, like I just gotta be like You..." -Lecrae