postacards, poems, and pondering (about guys).

I have returned my dear bloggers!  To talk about... stuff.  I like stuff.  Do you like stuff? ;)

Seriously, though, I've missed ya'll a lot and I apologize for just now getting around to posting, but my summer has been (surprisingly!) jam-packed.  I've hung out with my youth group (my oh-so-crazy-yet-wonderful youth group) a lot, had volleyball practices everyday since the end of June, and sleepovers with Shan of course.  Okay, I'm rambling.  I'll continue with my actual post.

First off, I have an announcement.  I got a postcard -- FROM PARIS, FRANCE!  I was so excited I did a happy dance for 5 minutes after I looked it down for the 18th time.  My friend and pen pal, Katie, sent it to me -- yeah, she actually went to Paris.  Amazing?  Yes.  Jealous?  Maybeokayyes.

As for the 'poems' part of the title, I wrote a poem last night, that comes from somewhere deep within me that only God can see all of.  It's called The Key to My Heart.

In my hand I hold a key
And with it lies my destiny.
Not for sale or up for grabs,
It's a gift, not yet unwrapped.
It will be given only when
I find a love that never ends.
The kind of love that feels my pain,
The kind of love that has no shame.
A love that's real and pure and true.
A love that means the words, "I do".
A love that lasts and flys so free,
A love that's meant for only me.
A love reflected in his eyes.
No just for me, but for Christ.
My love I know will never part;
He'll hold the key --
The key to my heart.

Now to the pondering.  Guys are the subject I will never ace.  The confusion will never end.  So why do we keep pining after these clueless knuckleheads?  Well for me it has to do with:
1. His eyes.
2. That grin.
3. His Lecrae obsession.
4. He loves God and means it.
5. He actually knows of my existence.
I want him to notice me, but I don't want to -- come onto him, ya know?  I'm too shy to start a conversation, but not loud enough for him to look my way.  'Spose I'll just sit here and wait.  I'm getting good at this whole waiting thing...maybe too good :P

"He sits there all alone.  He's reading from a chapter that he sometimes calls his own.  And now, he's takin' over me.  This guy I once rejected, has now become the guy of my dreams..."  --Hawk Nelson

in Christ alone.

in Christ alone my hope is found
He's my rock, my solid ground
He broke the chains to set us free
The veil was torn so we could be

Called His children; forgiven, new
Accepted and worthy, the chosen few
Secure and safe, in His arms
They hold the world and my heart

'Leave' is not a word He knows
Love is what the Father shows
Along with joy, mercy, grace
There's only kindness on His face

I can't wait until the day
I fly with Him, to that place
A world with no more hurt or pain
A world where Aslan shakes His mane

That place beyond the clouds and sun
Where on the throne sits the One
Who took my sins and guilt and shame
And rose again on the third day

I need Him more than my next breath
He's more than life, more than death
Everything I'll ever need
I will follow, if He'll lead

I don't know what the future holds
Who I'll marry, where I'll go
Nothing yet is set in stone
Because my hope is in Christ alone.

[striving]

why can't i be me?

why do i watch others moves?

why do i want so badly

to walk a day in others shoes?

it's like i want a taste

of the glory or their fame.

but to God it's not for Him

it's simply all in vain.

i don't want to change my life

yet at the same time, yes i do.

i want to know what others feel

and do what others do.

i'm not talking about everyone --

just the few elite.

that are adored by everyone,

everyone they meet...

i'm not talking about celebs,

or people on t.v.

no, i'm talking about normal teens

the same as you and me.

so is it wrong to want attention?

is wrong to want to shine?

is it wrong to wish for once

that all of that was mine?

but then i feel so selfish,

to want to be accepted.

Jesus came, made no mistakes.

and still He was rejected.

this life is full of people,

striving for perfection.

that was me at one point.

...now i'm striving for heaven.