sweet sixteen and never swapped spit.

Blunt, I know.  Demeaning to the wonderful, romantical thought of kissing.  But it's true.  As of yesterday, I'm officially sixteen and never been kissed.  Funny.  Some people -- most people -- would find that humiliating, but I'm rather proud of it.  It's more than a lot of girls can say.  It might have something to do with I've never dated anyone either.. but still.

I'm not trying to bash on people that have had their first kiss already or before they turned sixteen. Nononono. It's a personal thing, a deal I have with God.  Well, not really a deal.  A promise, I guess.  It's something like this:

God, I know You already have my love story written and sitting on Your shelf of fairy tales.  And since I know You made it magical, I'm not going to kiss a guy until I've dated him at least two years and truly believe he might be the guy You have set apart for me.  No making out, no groping, no doing IT.  Just hand-holding and hugs and a possible goodnight kiss, after that two year mark, that is.  And I won't give him my whole heart, because it belongs to You and You alone.  Thanks for loving me enough to put every perfect detail in my book and for having a [hopefully] blue-eyed, gentlemanly, blue-jeans-Tshirt-and-TOMS guy out there for me.  I know He'll be everything I ever wanted, 'cause he'll be what You wanted for me. And You know me better than I know me.

But, as I stated before, that's my commitment.  I don't expect yours to comply with mine.  But I do hope you have your own set of standards.  Namely, because of this this verse.

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. [proverbs 4:23]

Think about it.  If you give your secrets, your kisses -- your heart -- to a guy and he breaks it, "everything you do" is going to be broken, too.  But if you give your heart to God and let Him decide who to give it to, your heart will be in perfect condition, and everything you do will show it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that once you give part of yourself away, you can't get it back.  And the more you give, the less you have to give to your guy.  I believe waiting makes something more valuable. Take my TOMS for example.  I've wanted them for almost two years and now they're finally on their way to my front porch.  Do you think I'll run through mud in them?  Step in something gross?  No.  I'll be especially careful to make sure they stay nice as long as humanly possible.  Why?  Because I'll value them. And why will I value them?  Because I had to wait for them.  It's the same way with love.  The longer a guy has to wait for you, the more he'll value you.  Somebody smart once said, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."  

I think I'll go find a tower to hide away in and wait till my true love comes to give me the smoulder.

;)

me & love songs.

This is kind of pathetic, but I've been writing a love song.  I feel really Taylor Swift-ish and cheesy, but I dunno.  I was just laying in bed one night and it was like God just handed me lyrics.  And yes, it's about a real guy that I know that I like. So now you know. *takes deep breath* Here it goes.

The Kid With the Beautiful Eyes
By me, Anna.

I'm walking down the hall
When I look up to see
Those beautiful eyes
Smiling right at me
I force myself to grin
But I really wanna cry
'Cause I know the kid with the beautiful eyes will never be mine

He's confident, he's a gentleman
He's everything I've ever wanted
He's genuine, he's passionate
He makes me feel like I belong and
Everything'll be alright
He's the kid with the beautiful eyes

I wonder if he knows
All I really wanna say
Is "hi, hello, what's up?", ya know?
Or just a simple "hey"
His laugh is like a song
That gets stuck in my head
And I remember every conversation we've ever had

He's confident, he's a gentleman
He's everything I've ever wanted
He's genuine, he's passionate
He makes me feel like I belong and

He's good with kids, he doesn't quit
He keeps his chin up through it all and
He's unashamed, he knows my name
But he doesn't know how hard I'm fallin'
He just smiles and walks on by
He's the kid with the beautiful eyes

I've got a shoe box full of letters
And one of them's to you
Maybe one day you will read it
And then you'll see it, too

She's confident, she's innocent
She's everything you ever wanted
She's gentle and she's beautiful
She makes you feel like you belong and
She's been here all this time
She's the girl right in front of your eyes

I'm the girl right in front of your eyes

when all you wanted was to be wanted.

One of my closest friends now has a boyfriend.  He's not her first, but this time around, it's a little different.  And don't get me wrong -- I'm happy for her... kind of. 

See, this guy is two years older than us, which really isn't a problem if he's a good Christian guy and his main focus is God.  Now, he says he's a Christian, but in my opinion, he doesn't live it.  He cusses for one thing, and for another, he doesn't seem to be interested in long-term commitments, if you know what I mean.

I don't want to hurt her feelings -- but I want her to know that I don't feel like God wants her to be in this relationship.  But then she'll snap back with the whole jealousy thing, and I really don't want to go there.  Because I'm not jealous.  Sure, he's an upperclassman and well, he's an upperclassman, but I don't think it's a good idea.

Picture this: a Nicholas Sparks guy rides in on a white horse (or better yet, in an old Ford pickup :) ), takes you by the hand, and tells you you're everything he's ever wanted.  You spend hours upon hours on the phone, you walk down by the river holding hands, and listen to [insert your favorite band here], which you both happen to love. He eventually proposes, kisses you in the pouring rain, and you have kids three years later.  And don't forget the golden retriever on the front porch.  Ain't love grand ;))

Now imagine this: a cute guy asks you out on a date and he acts like Will from The Last Song.  He tells you you're amazing and that he'll be the prince if you'll be the princess, that it's a love story baby just say yes.  Sorry, Taylor Swift moment.  Anyway, so you give him your first kiss (and quite a few more after that) and you just know you'll be together forever.  I mean, he loves you, right?  Six months later he gives you the whole 'it's not you, it's me' speech and you end up bawling your eyes out for days and eat 10 packs of peanut M&M's.  Not a pretty picture...

If I asked you to pick which scenario you'd prefer, the first one would win by a long shot.  As teenage girls, we long to be wanted; our hearts yearn for acceptance, attention, and love.  But guys, well, a lot of them only have one thing on their mind.  Not all of them -- that's for sure.  But 95% or so.

Well, I'm really afraid that my friend's relationship is going to turn out like choice B.  I mean, she's human.  We're human.  We want to be wanted.  But if you wait for the right kind of want (did ya catch that? ;) ), your life might play out more like #1.  Not as perfect, but a lot closer to it than the heartbreak sob story.

But right now, she can't see that...

"'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you,
You're gonna believe them.
And when you're fifteen, don't forget to look before you fall
I've found time can heal most anything
And you just might find who you're supposed to be.
I didn't know who I was supposed to be...
At fifteen."

hello: a post about guys.

"Every time I want to say hello, every time I want to stay, I go..."

This lyric is completely and wonderfully ingenious.  Just thought I should say that before I jump headfirst into this post.  Okay.  Now I can jump in ;)

I've written a few posts about guys, but none of them have really told you about my guy experiences (not that I've had all that many, haha).  But anyway, you're gonna hear a little more of Anna's mind than usual.

I'm not even going to try and act like I haven't had crushes, 'cause I have.  I've probably had at least 10 in my 15 years, not counting Jason Dunn, Matthew Thiessen, and all of those other amazingly blunt and witty artists out there.  And then of course there's Peter Pevensie, but, ya'll already knew that was coming...

The point is I like guys.  Whoa.  Did I just say that on a Christian blog?  Why, yes I did.  Because it's the truth.  A lot of Christian girls I know try to act like they've never had butterflies in their stomach or gotten all red when a certain guy comes around.  They're all 'I'm waiting for the right guy to come along and not looking at anyone else until he does'.

Well, for some of you that might be the case, but not for me.  Now I'm not telling you to not wait and to go have sex with some guy you think you're in love with.  Because you should wait.  I'm just saying that it's alright to like guys.  Thinking they're cute and cool to hang out with is fine...it's supposed to be that way.  But there is a difference bewteen liking and lusting.

Lusting is definined as a passionate or overwhelming desire or craving, or in my mind, more passion for a person than for God.  If a guy consumes your thoughts 24/7, if he's the name on your notebooks, your shooting star, well, to me, that's lusting.  He's become more important than your Savior.  And nothing should be more important than Him. (I believe He adressed that in the 10 Commandments).

I realized that I was lusting over a guy the other day, and I want it to stop.  There's a difference between daydreaming and thinking about constantly.  I noticed that all I think about is trying to impress him, hoping he'll talk to me.  And that's not the way it should be.  I'm supposed to love God with all my heart, mind, soul, and strenth (Matthew 22:37). Not some sophmore soccer jock.

So - there's my take on the whole thing.  And I know someone is going to ask this, so I might as well go ahead and answer.  Do you have I crush right now?  I do actually.  And I wish I had the guts to say hello.  Hence the song.  Hence the 'I like guys'.  Hence this post in general...

the guy topic. again.

Well, I haven't been able to get "The Truth About Guys" book yet, but I will be soon:) So. This post is going to be from my point of view. If that's okay:)

So. I have crush :/ Yup. But here's the problem:

I DON'T DATE!

Not yet anyway. Not till next year. Parents rule. But ya know what?

I'm not even gonna date THEN.

I think dating is highly overrated. I just like having guy friends. And a crush that I'm perfectly content watching from a distance. And since I don't think he'll ever read this blog, I'll tell you a little bit about him...all except his name :P

1) He's a Christian.

2) He's hilarious.

3) He plays soccer. And some other sports that I won't mention for MY sake in case he ever does get his hands on the address for my blog.

4) He's nice. I should've mentioned that after the Christian part.

5) And that's all I'm gonna say.

See, the reason I listed these topics is 'cause they are what I look for in my future husband. I'm not going to consider the guy if he doesn't have the traits above. It's not fair to him. It's like, I'd be using him.

In the Christy Miller books, she writes letters to her future husband. So I'm gonna start, 'cause I think that's pretty cool. And sweet:)

And that's it:)

Blessings!

anna :)

the guy topic.

I can't believe I've been blogging for over a year now, and I still haven't done a post about guys. The Girl World pretty much revolves around them these days, huh? It's all about who's going out with who, who just broke up with who, etc. I'm not allowed to date until I'm sixteen, though. But I'll be honest, I've had crushes. They've included:

*Lucas Till

(Hannah Montana the Movie)
*Mark-Paul Gosselaar
(Saved By the Bell)
*Chad Michael Murray
(A Cinderella Story)

No, but really. We've all had crushes. Real-life ones that just seem so out of reach sometimes. And sometimes, if that crush doesn't notice us, we get hurt. I mean, Taylor Swift's making millions off of songs about us liking guys (which I listen to by the way :D) Or sometimes maybe that crush does notice you, but only likes you as a "sister". But ya know what I think? I think we've put guys on a pedastal, so to speak. Like, we expect them to be our Prince Chraming, to do everything right, and to love us unconditionally and tell us we're beautiful...and the list goes on and on. But that's why we need Jesus. We need Him to be our everything. Not a guy. Sure, most everyone needs a help-meet, someone to walk the life-road with. But they're gonna make mistakes just like we do. So here's my theory on the boy topic:

I don't want Prince Charming - all he's got is charm. I want a prince-in-training, who love's God with all his heart :)

Blessings && smiles,
anna :)