determinate, d-d-determinate!

I have a confession to make.

Hi, my name is Anna.  I'm four days away from being sixteen and I love the band Lemonade Mouth.

*laughs* Like ya'll are gonna judge me for that.  I should know better by now.  Silly me. *shakes head*

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Now that that's out of the way, let's continue to the real reason for this post.

Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, that 'confession' above has a lot to do with this post.  I really worry about what people think of me.  I mean, yes, you should care to a certain extent.  As in they know you're a Christian and you're different because Jesus' is in you.  But I care way beyond that.  I care about what they think about my hair, my complexion, my clothes, my grades..everything?  And I shouldn't.  You can't live your life trying to please everyone.  'Cause it's just not gonna happen.

Consequently, I've always kind of.. hid, I guess.  I've always shied away from the spotlight or anything moderately close to it.  Take my singing for example.  Yes, I sing special music at church.  I've been in choirs.  I've had solos in school programs.  I sing when I'm jamming with my friends.  But the fear of people saying I'm awful or not liking my voice has kept me from using my talent to it's fullest.  I'm not trying to brag on myself here (please, please, please don't take it that way!), but I can sing well.  Very well.  And the only ones that get to hear it are my shower head and my parents.  The rest of the world sees a girl that can keep a tune and sings alright, not recording material.

That would be fine, I guess..that is, if I didn't wanna be a singer.  *takes deep breath*  Did I just type that?  I did.  Oh, gosh.

See, I haven't admitted this to many people (feel loved!) -- I know most everyone would shoot it down, telling me it's a one-in-a-million chance blah blah blah blah blah.  So I've kept it deep inside my heart, pondering the thought for at least three years or so.  Til today.

It's not like I want to be a teen sensation like Justin Bieber or a good-girl-gone-bad like Miley.  I don't want to be on the cover of People or anything or sell a million records.  I'd just like to write songs about what I've gone through and share them with the world.  About what God's done for me.  About a kid with beautiful eyes.  About embracing today.  About wanting to change the world so bad you write a post about it.

I want them to know I'm not just the freaky Jesus girl in the corner.  I have a life that's real and important and a purpose for living like I do.  That God isn't a big, unconcerned guy that sits up in the clouds doing nothing.  That I'm waiting on a guy that might never feel the same way.  That I want to be seen.  That I want to change the world.  

That I want to determinate.

"Gotta turn the world into your dance floor, determinate, d-d-terminate.  Push it til you can't and then demand more, d-d-terminate.  You and me together, we can make it better.  Gotta turn the world into your dance floor, determinate, d-d-terminate!" -Lemonade Mouth

to all the dreamers.

*note: this was an actual honors english II assignment.. and i actually enjoyed it.  HA!

Some people would call me a dreamer.  I still believe in love at first sight, that laughing on a park bench doesn't only occur in Taylor Swift songs, and "happily-ever-after" isn't just at the end of fairy tales.  Hence why I'm labeled, "dreamer".

But I'm not a typical dreamer that has every detail put in its perfect place.  My dreams are only bits and pieces, random inklings scattered across my life.  Some of my dreams are written in notebooks, others on my bedroom wall, and even more are hidden in my heart.  Like I said, I don't have the specifics planned out, which isn't helping, seeing as this assignment is supposed to be predominantly descriptions...

Anyway, fast forward five years from now.

I'll most likely be sleep-deprived and extremely grumpy, seeing as I just pulled an all-nighter to ensure and A on my midterm.  My hair will be swooped into a concoction of hair, ponytail holders, and bobby pins and I'll be sporting sweats and my favorite pair of converse.  Though I've brushed my teeth ten times over, Colgate refuses to cover the smell of my coffee breath.  I sigh and hurl my messenger bag over my shoulder, pushing my appearance aside.  All that matters right now is this test.

Not a very pretty picture, I know.  But I'm determined to make something of myself, even if I'm not sure what that something is yet.

Travel five more years down the road...

I'll be happily married to a guy with dazzling eyes that loves God with all his heart.  We'll live in a white two story with navy blue shudders that we built ourselves.  He'll play catch with our son in the front yard even thought the glove will barely stay on his tiny hand.  Our little girls will sing "Jesus loves me" on the way home from church, and he'll smile and squeeze my hand, content with the life we've made for ourselves.  When we both can't sleep, we'll make hot chocolate and read the Psalms aloud.  Our love will grow stronger as our love for Christ grows stronger.

Call me overly optimistic.  Tell me I need a reality check.  But I believe God has an amazing story written just for me -- the girl named Anna -- the dreamer.

"I'm still a dreamer, a believer.  Yeah, I've lost my faith in so many things, but I still believe in You.."  -Sanctus Real

day twenty eight: the rest is still unwritten.

Hopes, dreams, and goals for the next 365 days.  Well, that most definitely cannot be summed up in a single post, m'dears.  So, I'll just give you a glimpse of what I'm hoping to accomplish in the next few months.

1. quit stereo typing.
I'm a stereotyper.  And I mean bad.  I have everyone put into boxes, as if they're not capable of being anything but a "prep" or a "nerd".  I guess you just kind of pick it up when you've been in public school since first grade.  But no more.  I'm going to see people for who they really are; I'll look past their clothes, language, social status.  I'll see them as God's creation -- after all, we're all His image-bearers.


2. find my style.
As of now, I have none.  I mean, zilch.  See, I've always been a tomboy, and now that I'm in high school, well that exterior isn't me anymore.  Sure, I like sweats and T-shirts on occasion -- who doesn't? But on a daily basis, erm, no.  So -- ya'll wanna help me?  I was thinking some you could do a favorite outfit post, so I could get a head-start in the fashion world. *cheesy grin*


3. be myself.
I know that sounds overly cliche, but I need to just be me.  I feel confined to this person people expect me to be, and I'm sick of it.  I will not be put in a box.  I will be my own person.  Have my own spunk. Wear what I want, even if the rest of the school hates it.  Sing like no one's listening.  Love like there's no tomorrow.


"Feel the rain on your skin, no one else can feel it for you.  Only you can let it in.  No one else, no one else can speak the words on your lips.  Drench yourself in words unspoken, live your life with arms wide open.  Today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten."  --Unwritten, Natasha Bedingfield


What are some of your ambitions?


-anna :)

bring it on, 2011.

It's a new year.  With new dreams.  New goals.  It's a clean slate and I'm ready to start fresh.

This year, I'll be 16!  That's, like, insane!  So many privileges come with being 16.  And with those privileges comes responsibility, which makes me rather, uh...*whispers* nervous.  Like, erm, DRIVING.  Another privilege that comes with being 16 - dating.  *Blinks*  Really?  Did I just say that?  I can DATE?!

Well, not yet.  As of October 30, 2011 I can.  Erm, not that I have anyone in mind or anything.  It just seems so unreal.  Ever since, like, the 4th grade, I've always known I couldn't date until I was 16.  And now that it's almost here...wow.

Anyway, since most EVERYONE that I blog with posted about their dreams and goals and stuff for 2011, I figured, why not?  I'm not typically a girl who goes with the flow, but seeing I do have some aspirations for this year, I'd like to share them.

1) LIVE OUT LOUD.

Everywhere I go, everyone I meet - I want them to see something different in me.  I want Christ to be obvious in me.  I want the world to know that I am His and He is mine.  Faith without action is dead.  So I wanna live out loud.

2) LOVE OUT LOUD.

I wanna just get out there and love on people.  Stereotyping gets in the way of that I've figured out.  So no more stereotypes.  We're all God's - He loves all of us.  We're all beautiful in His eyes.  So why shouldn't I see people the same way?  

"Give me Your eyes for just one second, give me Your eyes so I can see everything that I keep missin'.  Give me Your love for humanity.  Give me Your arms for the broken hearted, ones that are far beyond my reach.  Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten, give me Your eyes so I can see." -Brandon Heath

3) FIND ME.

This one's gonna be the hardest.  I wanna find my own style, my own spunk.  And stand out.  1 Peter 2:9 says that we're a chosen people, and that we're supposed to be different.  So I want my style (if I even have any!) to reflect that, too.  I'm thinking vintage... :)

So bring it on, 2011.  I've got God on my side :)

blessings,

anna :)