determinate, d-d-determinate!

I have a confession to make.

Hi, my name is Anna.  I'm four days away from being sixteen and I love the band Lemonade Mouth.

*laughs* Like ya'll are gonna judge me for that.  I should know better by now.  Silly me. *shakes head*

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Now that that's out of the way, let's continue to the real reason for this post.

Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, that 'confession' above has a lot to do with this post.  I really worry about what people think of me.  I mean, yes, you should care to a certain extent.  As in they know you're a Christian and you're different because Jesus' is in you.  But I care way beyond that.  I care about what they think about my hair, my complexion, my clothes, my grades..everything?  And I shouldn't.  You can't live your life trying to please everyone.  'Cause it's just not gonna happen.

Consequently, I've always kind of.. hid, I guess.  I've always shied away from the spotlight or anything moderately close to it.  Take my singing for example.  Yes, I sing special music at church.  I've been in choirs.  I've had solos in school programs.  I sing when I'm jamming with my friends.  But the fear of people saying I'm awful or not liking my voice has kept me from using my talent to it's fullest.  I'm not trying to brag on myself here (please, please, please don't take it that way!), but I can sing well.  Very well.  And the only ones that get to hear it are my shower head and my parents.  The rest of the world sees a girl that can keep a tune and sings alright, not recording material.

That would be fine, I guess..that is, if I didn't wanna be a singer.  *takes deep breath*  Did I just type that?  I did.  Oh, gosh.

See, I haven't admitted this to many people (feel loved!) -- I know most everyone would shoot it down, telling me it's a one-in-a-million chance blah blah blah blah blah.  So I've kept it deep inside my heart, pondering the thought for at least three years or so.  Til today.

It's not like I want to be a teen sensation like Justin Bieber or a good-girl-gone-bad like Miley.  I don't want to be on the cover of People or anything or sell a million records.  I'd just like to write songs about what I've gone through and share them with the world.  About what God's done for me.  About a kid with beautiful eyes.  About embracing today.  About wanting to change the world so bad you write a post about it.

I want them to know I'm not just the freaky Jesus girl in the corner.  I have a life that's real and important and a purpose for living like I do.  That God isn't a big, unconcerned guy that sits up in the clouds doing nothing.  That I'm waiting on a guy that might never feel the same way.  That I want to be seen.  That I want to change the world.  

That I want to determinate.

"Gotta turn the world into your dance floor, determinate, d-d-terminate.  Push it til you can't and then demand more, d-d-terminate.  You and me together, we can make it better.  Gotta turn the world into your dance floor, determinate, d-d-terminate!" -Lemonade Mouth

day nineteen: i will sing forever, i am so in love with You.

1. Fashionizing
2. Drawing
3. Playing volleyball
4. Guitar playing
5. Geometry


Those are all the things I want to be good at.  But unfortunately, I have to work at all of those.  My fashion is horrible, my doodles are just, well...doodles, I still can't serve overhand, I REALLY wanna learn to play guitar, and geometry just doesn't come easy to me.

But there is one thing that I can do automatically, without even thinking about it.


Singing.


See, I was really nervous about this post, 'cause I hate bragging on myself.  It makes me feel like Regina from Mean Girls.  I'm definitely not the kind of girl that goes around saying, "Oh yeah, I can sing better than you."  So please don't take it that way.

But I'm actually kind of sort of really good at singing.  I always have been.  I don't know why, but it just comes naturally.  I've never had lessons, and I can only read a tid bit of music.  But when it comes to carrying a tune, I've got it like *snaps fingers* that.

And since I just realized you've never heard me sing, well...I recorded myself.  Sorry if it's bad quality -- I just used Garage Band on my Mac.  And on top of that, I have a sore throat.  Blahhh.  Anyway...here we go. *crosses fingers* *bites lip*

And I know I'm not celebrity material or anything, but I love to sing.  And I think God smiles whenever I do :)