tenth avenue north + andy mineo + lecrae.

"Jesus was a nice guy, but wasn't no friend to me.  My lips said I loved Him, my actions despised His reign.  I had my own agenda, I was my own king..." -Andy Mineo, "Formerly Known"

So.  Another reason my blog's name/address is changing.  I'm taking a step in my walk, and I wanted my blog to take a step with me.

It's kind of hard to tell ya'll this, but I think you've all been there in some point in time.  When you talked the talk, but didn't walk the walk.  Where everything you said was Jesus, but nothing you did was. Where your schedule was empty and there was still no room on the calendar for spending time with God.  That's where I was.  And it's not 'was' as in a year ago.  Five months ago.  Try four days ago.

I don't know what clicked, but when I listened to Tenth Avenue North's CD, Over and Underneath, something did.  The lyrics were just so worship-filled.  Every song was telling me how great God is, just in different words.  "Love Is Here" told me God isn't later.  He is right now -- in this moment.  Which lead to the thought, "Why am I waiting?  Why do I keep pushing Him to the side?"  Which eventually led to this post.

The answers to my questions weren't exactly reassuring.

Why am I waiting?
Apathy, complacency, laziness...

Why do I keep pushing Him to the side?
Because I think I have better things to do.

What can be better than God?  I don't know about you guys, but when I've experienced His presence, it's like a high that lasts for a week or two.  Events like church camp.  Winter retreat.  Concerts.  But that "high" wears off.  And I'm right back to where I started.  I make time for anything and everything, rather than My Everything being my schedule.  It's pathetic, really.  But I think a lot of us get caught in these ruts, where Jesus was a a nice guy, but wasn't no friend to me.  Where we determine our own fate and end up even more miserable than we were before.

"I had a dream that I was captain of my soul, I was master of fate.  I lost control and then I sank.  So I don't wanna take the lead, 'cause I'm prone to make mistakes..." -Lecrae, "Background"

I was blending in, not standing out.  I had become part of the crowd all over again, worrying what people thought of me, just wanting to be accepted.  I'd become complacent and apathetic, just like everyone else. Complaining about homework, rolling my eyes at people's faults instead confessing my own.  That's not how it's supposed to be.  We were made to be light in a dark world.

"I was made to light it up, city on a hill top.  And I know the Only Way so hit me when you feel lost.  So put your shades on, you know lower your frames.  'Cause when His glory shines, you gon' lower your frame..." -Lecrae in "Let There Be Light" by Andy Mineo

apathy in the air?

apathy |ˈapəθē|nounlack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern : widespread apathy among students.ORIGIN early 17th cent.: from French apathie, via Latin from Greekapatheia, from apathēs ‘without feeling,’ from a- ‘without’ + pathos‘suffering.’That's me in a nutshell lately. Apathetic. It's like I don't even care anymore. I don't know. Maybe it's high school. Maybe it's the fact that I'm not in the 'popular' crowd this year. Or maybe I'm just blahhh. I don't know. But it's like I've fallen into this rut of apathy and I can't get out!It's not like I WANT to be apathetic. 'Cause I don't. I try to be happy and full of energy, but I'm just not.All my life I've been an all-A student, but lately, I don't care about my grades. I don't care that I have two Bs. I mean, it's school. It's something we all have to go through, not anything out of the norm.Maybe that's it. I'm sick of normal. Tired of typical. Cringing at complacency.I even have a playlist for it. It's called "apathetic *yawn*". Ridiculous right? Well, here are the songs anyway :)Apathetic Way to Be - Relient KProcrastinating - Stellar KartBe My Escape - Relient KHold On - tobyMacMillion Miles Away - MercyMeEverything Falls - FeeWonderin' - tobyMacBelieve - Britt NicoleNever Grow Up - Taylor SwiftI so hate consequences - Relient KSo yeah. Is it just me? Or is apathy in the air?